D-BB Returns to His Roots

Due to my busy schedule, I will return to my original "drive-bys". So what better way to end with a few events that I experienced last year so that I may learn from these experiences. (Yeah fuck heads, I know; I ran this post on Dec. 31.)

The following are a few incidents that happened in 2008. As for anyone who knows me, you can certainly tell from these incidents that I have truly grown spiritually since 2007.

January: My masturbation was completely out of control. Once I even crouched down in an aisle at The Goodwill Store and whacked my meat off to a very attractive nude mannequin. My privacy was invaded by a hidden security camera. Like somebody is going to shoplift that fucking used up shit. Besides, it was they who allowed that mannequin to be there fully exposed for all to see. This was entrapment. Goodwill my ass! Fucking perverted sneaks. Also, I developed a medical condition called "Masturbation Elbow".

February: I was banned from stepping on the campus of Newcomb College in uptown New Orleans (fucking snobs) for forcing my way into the art class and posing nude. OK, so I also posed nude in the caferteria. I saw no rules posted.

March: I jumped up and down continuously for 6 days trying to take advantage of Earth's rotation so that I could travel from New Orleans to fucking Disney World in Orlando, Florida. On the 6Th day, my trip ended when I was blocked by the house across the street. The fucks wouldn't allow me a "right of way".

April: I got banned from selling on EBay because I was selling a DVD of The Greatest Story Ever Told that had an alternate ending and 2 deleted commandments. Fucking anti-Christian mother fucking Heathens!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

May: I sat at the front door naked continuously waiting for the Jehovah Witnesses to come by in case the Jahovee was a girl. Due to a plea bargain, I cannot tell you the entire story but please, if you are a Jehovah Witness and you do not want your child exposed to nudity, don't take them with you on your door to door fucking crusade you fucking morons. Do you really think I am the only person who answers the door naked for all you holier than thou fucks?

June: I was rejected during an audition for the porn movie, "In The Feet of The Night" due to overacting and for being too obscene.

July: I sued the Justice of the Peace for not giving a full disclosure of the marriage vows that I agreed to. (To which I agreed....that's for Hucky in case he reads this since he's a professor at Delgado Community College which is like the 13Th and 14Th grade of high school for morons in New Orleans and he will nit pick and point out my bad grammar. Frankly, I think it's getting more better. Also, I think Hucky lives in uptown New Orleans.) (See February).

Anyways....the fucking mother fucker (not Hucky; the Justice of the Piece) asked me if I would take "her" for better or for worse. Being the trusting sole that I am and being the sort of guy who believes shit will just work itself out, I answered, and I quote...

"That's a fucking stupid question. I just gave you 50 bucks to marry us fuck face.....like if I can't decide at this moment, do I get a refund?" He said "no". So I responded, "sure, what the fuck?" (That was a rhetorical question).

Well let me tell you, whenever I do any sort of business with anyone, before I give the answer, "sure, what the fuck", I ask a lot of questions and I want a lot of details.

August: As I stated in July, I want information before I sign shit and get fucked over again. I went to a doctor and they wanted my social security number. Oh yeah you fucking malpracticing piece of shit; you want mine, then give me yours, cock sucker.

September: I got arrested for posing as a door to door gynecologist. I bet you I have seen more pussies than most gynos so I felt quite qualified in my endeavor. OK, so they are just pictures but I know a good pussy when I see and smell one.

October: While vacuuming, my dick accidental got sucked into an Oreck Ultimate Handheld Vacuum Cleaner. The fire department refused to come out and help me since they said 3 times in one year was it. Fuck...I'm a tax payer and this is what I get; a smart ass insensitive public employee. So I had to use a hacksaw. This required the precision of a fucking brain surgeon who by the way, needs my social security number before cutting out part of my fucking brain...cock sucking mother fuckers.....

Anyway, after hours of cutting and manipulation, I did get that fucking vacuum tube off my dick. I now believe I can perform a circumcision but I would rather be a gynecologist....but you already knew that.

November: In an attempt to meet women, I volunteered to answer the hot line for abused women over at the YWCA. Evidently, the first 3 callers I got reported me. How ungrateful! And those fucking, man hating lezbos over at the Y did not appreciate the sacrificing of my valuable time to help out. I am still going to take a whole 1 day as a fucking tax deduction.

December: Because no doctor will give me their social security number, I have gone without medical treatment now for 2 months for the runny sores on my dick. I told my wife it was a new product; a time release lubricant. Also, I think whatever I have may have killed my neighbor's pet chicken. FUCK FUCK FUCK

Anyway, Happy Fucking New Year and no, I don't mean to everyone.