Drive-By Blogger

Check Check 1,2,3

2011-01-06T14:56:00.001-06:00

Check check. 1,2,3 check. Fuck you, go away!

Whad Up?

2010-02-19T10:51:00.010-06:00

I just glanced around the local blogs in the New Orleans area and the Houston area, that's where all my "friends" are. May I just say you continue to bore the hell out of me (and apparently many others since it's always the same drones that talk back and forth. Just going down a list of Jefro's "blog links" show a majority of them are no longer blogging. Good for them!!! Perhaps they died! Good for us!!! Huck is still Obama orgasmic.

One exception is that zoo zoo girl who writes all that good porn stuff that I use to use sometimes for added stimulation. Even her friends seem normal...quite horny in an artful way or at least art is what they use as a cover but her blog makes sense. And of course, wouldn't you know, she draws the most attention! Sex sells...well, at least it use to cost me a fortune until the wonderful Internet was discovered by Al Gore while floating around Antarctica.

I also see where Dorky is getting married. She was so hot for me but I dumped her. She was too old for me. Good luck Dorky and thanks for the naked pictures. (Was it really that big of a deal?)

OK, I made it through 3 paragraphs and no vulgarities. Sweet.

OK, I made it through 4 paragraphs and no vulgarities. Sweet.

OK, I made it through 5 paragraphs and no...................................

I think we see where this is going. Not gonna waste anymore of my fucking time blogging. (That's open ended) Gonna go watch the white man's answer to the NBA.....the Winter Olympics.

My Hurtin' Hornets

2009-11-17T12:43:00.005-06:00

Unlike my fellow cum-padres who will blog about fucking anything even if it's just to copy and paste some dumb ass link to to some dumb ass article that no one really cares about, I have refrained from my Pulitzer Prize blogging worthiness because I am not inspired. (Also, dorkie-she never sent me a naked picture of herself).

But now I am inspired. My beloved New Orleans Hornets are in complete disarray. You can go on You-Tube and see the top 10 plays of the Hornets last year and 6 involved my buddy, Tyson Chandler. Tyson is gone. I miss him but that's the NBA. I miss my comps. Not only could I get great seats, I was able to dump off my tickets. Now that was cool. Anyway Tyson, maybe it's best that you're out of this mess. Scott is gone. (Three months too late, a terrible error on management's part.) Chris Paul is pissed because we heard it on the news. David West is happy because he heard it on the news. Locker room drama. Now Paul will be out until at least the 1st of the year with the ankle sprain. Forget what you have heard. AFTER THE FIRST OF THE YEAR!

But here's the deal my moronic fucking fickled sports fans. It is soooooo fucking easy to be Saints fan. Seriously, they struggling against bad teams right now but they are winning and their potential is unlimited. Lots of small nagging injuries on defense most of which will mend soon and a quarterback who has a football IQ of 180....just wish he was a couple of inches taller. But with all that said, they are winners (finally) and everyone is excited. Fuck yeah, me too! But......................

I will be at the Hornets game tonight. Why, because I'm a fan of the team and if we all get disgusted and not support the team, they will leave us. Business is business. We have two rookie guards by the name of Darren Collison and Marcus Thornton. (Thornton is a product of LSU). I have never seen so much potential from 2 rookies on the same team at one time as I have seen from these two.

So cutting to the chase, if you are a fan; be there. If you're not a fan; great time to get some cheap tickets and get to sample the "Hive". It'll be good for the team and good for New Orleans. It also beats sitting behind a computer all night writing about Sarah Palin, Carrie Prejean (unless you post a video) or David Vitter.

Who Be a Racist? Chop Chop

2009-09-20T15:43:00.002-05:00

OK, so I just learned that the term "ticket scalper" is derived from the old west when fucking Injun savages would raid the railroad ticket offices, kill the ticket person, got into "white face" and over charged cowboys and cowcunts for railroad tickets.

I also just learned that Polish people are stupid because even though in school districts up in Chicago that are primarily Polish, the school system refuse to teach these TadPollocks in the Polish language.

I also just learned that the French never surrender. They just raise their arms so that the stench will knock out their enemy. (Not sure what the white hankie means.)

I also learned that the majority of Mexicans (53%) have never rode in the back of a pickup truck.

I also learned that most male Muslims (50.5%) who are Arabs have never fucked a goat.

I also learned that if you don't like President Barack Obama's health care plan, you are a fucking racist.

Proof There is No God?

2009-08-26T17:10:00.004-05:00

Edward Moore "Ted" Kennedy outlived the following:

Mother Theresa
Pope John (whatever fucking number he was)
Linda Lovelace
Farrah Fawcett
Les Paul
Gidget (The Taco Bell Dog, not that eternal virgin slut moron)
Walter Cronkite
Andre The Giant
Billy Mays
Ed McMahon
Vern Gosdin
Bea Arthur
Marilyn Chambers
Louie Bellson (He was a drummer and had Parkinson's disease. Seems perfect to me.)
Miss Goldy, my pet gold fish.

If God exists, he sure took his fucking time dealing with this bum.

Facts Regarding Michael Vick and The Philadelphia Eagles

2009-08-15T12:39:00.007-05:00

Michael Vick is almost as hated as I am. Woof fucking woof!

Michael Vick publicly apologizes for what he did to those dogs including electrocuting, torturing and killing dogs for fun. We all know that had he not gotten caught, he was going to quit that very same week anyway and publicly announce what he was doing to them dogs and offer up an apology. Also, Angelina Jolie has taken me up on my offer to sit on my face. I also won the lottery. I am a brain Surgeon. Fuck you Vick.

The Philadelphia Chinese Restaurateurs' Assc. released the following statement:
"We no like him here. He play somewhere else. He need to go away chop chop. We afraid he takes away our most popular dinner, Moo Shu Shih Tzu for customers to eat and we lose very much business. This very bad. Me so horny".

According to Cult and Garden Monthly, the management of the Philadelphia Eagles are working out a deal with the Justice Dept. to give Charles Manson a "second chance" and if they can swing it, Manson will become the Eagles new defensive coordinator. Manson was quoted as saying, if given the job, he will add new weapons for the Eagles defense but refused to say exactly what weapons on advice by counsel.

Philly, you guys really outdid your archenemy, them fucking Dallas Cowboys. I had always pulled for the Eagles to beat the Cowboys but this year....it's "GO COWBOYS!

Dedicated to Spotty. You were my best friend but mom got rid of you because you peed on the floor so much. I still miss you and I suppose I always will. It's hard not knowing where your big brother is.

Comrade Obama's Health Plan Video Leak

2009-08-14T14:42:00.005-05:00

OK, if you use MP3 Rocket to "share" music, you know there are TV stations you can get for free. Apparently this was supposed to remain confidential for at least one more week but was leaked anonymously this afternoon at approximately 1:45 EDT on the Federation News Network. According to unnamed sources, the "party" will require every American to watch this video 5 times a day beginning on January 2, 2010.

You can be sure that the fallout from this will thrust Obama's Health Redistribution Plan from the microscope to a telescope.

U. S. A. - United Socialist of America

2009-08-11T16:18:00.005-05:00

Hello Comrades

This fucking president is now creeping me out. It proves that you are better off with a fucking re-tard than this calculating mother fucking socialist.

We have socialized the banking industry or at the very least, we are on our way to structure these institutions to provide much more information about who we are. Fucking cars are being subsidized on both the front and back end. Is there just one fucking economist who isn’t afraid of being labeled a racist and speak up about this nut’s government “welfare rebate” aka “cash for clunkers” aka “dooms-fucking day” subsidy and how it will make the last auto industry financial catastrophe look like a fucking tea party? Have we all forgotten basic economics 101 or are we supposed to under our new fucking leader?

And you all thought “trickle down economics” was voodoo. Fuck me, then this is fucking Revelations. “Trickle” you dumb fucks, not fucking "Niagara fucking fucked up fucking Falls". (Dorkie….keep count please, that’s how we met, remember?

Oh yeah, and then there’s gonna be fucking electric cars. What a fucking joke. This country’s power grid is older than D.O.S. (Fuck I miss those old D.O.S. games!) Imagine if you will all these people charging their electric cars each night. No way will any power company handle that demand unless we build more fucking power plants and since we are trying to be “green”, then it must be fucking nuclear. That will be expensive. But, no need to worry about that. Fucking Obama is putting millions of gasoline guzzling taxpayer sponsored new fucking cars on the road and destroying good cars that are turned in. Forget about poor people who can’t afford a car. He could give the car to them but we won't. Crush those mother fuckers up you fucking moron.

Now, we all know what’s in the Health Plan, right? Or are those pubicans just trying to scare us. Fucking liberal bloggers say that’s it. It’s scare tactics. OK, so then mother fucker, what is the fucking plan?

Will it provide coverage for meds? Fucking Canada doesn’t. Will it cover me abroad? Canada’s doesn’t. Will my taxes go up. No way. Somebody got to pay 60% to 80% like they do in those other socialistic countries who by the way, send their real sick patients to us, but that won’t happen here. No fucking way.

We have turned loose on this democratic “capitalist” society a terrorist and his name is Barrack fucking Obama and he will do more damage to our society than George re-tard fucking Bush and Osama Ben fuck you in the ass Laden combined. It is apparent that many of our freedoms are in fucking jeopardy and all we care about is that our first black president does well. FUCK FUCK FUCK. He’s our President mother fuckers. Quit pulling for him because he is black.

Like all them “undocumented Americans”….(is that a new p.c. label for illegal fucking immigrants because if it is, I will certainly quit using that term) who were partying in the fucking streets like a bunch of lunatics because some Spanish speaking cunt gets on the fucking supreme court. Who gives a flying fuck if she is Mexican, Puerto Rican or a fucking Eskimo? If you think it matters, them you are the fucking racist you dumb fucks.

Oh my fucking God, I think I’m having a stroke. If I have a stroke and become paralyzed while having a full erection, does it stay that way?

New Orleans Taliban Soccer Club

2009-08-03T10:32:00.005-05:00

My good friend and ex-fantasy lover lippy means well and she really is a nice person no matter what many of NOLA bloggers have said recently. But she has some sort of post up on her blog which by the way is real short for a change and I was able to focus the whole time without drifting off daydreaming that Angelina Jolie was sitting on my face which happens to me a lot more than I think it should. But fuck, I'm not a trained psychiatrist! Anyway, where was I at? Whatever.

Anyway, we should leave those vacated Catholic churches stand, remodel them a bit and move those terrorists fucks from Guantanamo Bay into these facilities. I don't know why President Obama has such a hard-on to move those guys out of Cuba but hey, he's black; I can only question his actions so far until I am hacked down as some sort of racist. Anyway, the feds would then have to pay New Orleans to house these fucks. Those who behave themselves could be released and integrated into the New Orleans population and become productive citizens although I'm a little fearful that our native citizens may be a bad influence on these fucks. So we have a delima.

Tear down those altar boys' ancient chambers of horrors, use these structures to house terrorists or just allow these monuments to stand as we have Auschwitz so that we shall never forget? These are not not easy questions nor is it easy times.

OK, gonna hit the hot tub with a Manhattan Iced Tea.

On a personal note. TC, gonna miss you. Hope I get to see you when you all come in to play the Hornets.

Also, the title of this post makes no fucking sense but I couldn't come up with a good title so I used this one. My second choice was "Angelina Jolie Sits on My Face".

VISTA 64-bit????????????

2009-07-22T16:17:00.003-05:00

What the fuck? Like I ain't got enough shit to deal with in my fucking pathetic life, I now just found out that my Vista with 6 fucking gigs of ram requires a 64-bit system rather than a 32-bit system. I'm sure the is a more sophisticated description but since I'm a fucking re-tard because I was an Orleans Parish High School graduate......not like those fucking big mouth NOLA bloggers who bleed New Orleans and sneak their kids off to fucking private schools or them Catholic Schools where child molesters lurch around every god damn corner but that's better than making friends with some little black kid. I know their type! . Also, most of those big mouth Obama supporters are driving around in fucking Jap cars. Now that makes the UAW happy you bunch of traitors. I'm driving a shitty Ford. It's fucked up and was fucked up from the get go but I supported the UAW.....fuck them Japs. Been to Pearl Harbor? I have. You will cry. I did and I ain't no pussy.

Anyway, back to Bill fucking Gates and Intel and what they are doing to me. I have to download fucking drivers to make my printer work because it does not work with the 64-bit system. When I downloaded the drivers, the fucking printer caught on fire. Seriously.

I had to download a small piece of software requiring me to make 4 fucking commands when it only took one to run my Acoustica Wave Converter or whatever the fuck it's call.

I have to use Firefox because much of my software can't run on Explorer because of Vista but runs fine on Firefox. FUCK ME IN My Frontal USB Port! Fucking MicroSoft develops a fucking platform that requires me to abandoned Microsoft Explorer so that I can get my shit to work. Now what sort of morons are these people. And what about Windows 7? Does anyone truly believe it will come close to outperforming a 5 year old Mac?

So, as for me saying in my last post that Vista ain't as bad as you have heard, I was correct. It is far more worse than I had imagine. You think I'm over reacting. Fuck you! I cannot even get Google Desktop because I have fucking cock sucking Vista 64-bit. As useless as Michael Jackson was, it would have been far better for the world had it been Bill Gates going belly up.

Update: WDBB is in beta with songs available......you will just have to find them by accident at this time becasue I ain't ready and this fucking computer ain't helping matters.

Top 10 Learnt Stuff

2009-07-08T09:30:00.004-05:00

Learnt Stuff:

1. I don't give a fuck.

2. The death of a weird "wanna be white person" who messed around with children couldn't even inspire me.

3. Bloggers are so fucking annoying and self indulgent. ("Should I or shouldn't I blog anymore." "I'm thinking about quitting." "I'm taking a break.") Hey assholes!!!!!!!! Just do it; don't say it. That's just a pathetic way of getting attention. Stick your head out the fucking window and just yell out what you want to do. More people will get the fucking message. With any luck, you won't be on a ground floor and fall out the fucking window. (Now that would inspire me.)

4. VISTA is good and dumb numb nuts fucks are just saying shit about it because they like to sound "techie". (Just get a fucking I-Pod and see how user user friendly Apple can be.) Fuck Apple and Steve Jobs and consider a ZUNE.

5. I can go a full week without looking at porn. But I don't.

6. Smash your Vitamin V into a powder. No need to suck it up a fucking bugger riddled nostril either.

7. Never, never, never give your password to a hot girl. (Lollipop, Lollipop my fucking ass!)

8. Inspire me....someone.

9.

10.

(Please note, 9 and 10 blanks were a result of no inspiration but you knew that because you are a smart ass mother fucker and didn't need me to explain. If you only had a clue as to how predictable and boring your blog is.)

2009-06-26T14:30:00.002-05:00

D-BB is chillin' today. He has way too many things in the fire right now but he wanted to share this with me and I just adore it.

Courtney, the girl who made this video made it for her friend who was very ill but sadly her friend passed away sooner than expected and never got to see it. D-BB thought it was touching and will most likely have a hissy when he finds out that I posted this. Tif:)

Bogalusa Bandstand

2009-05-28T13:55:00.008-05:00

There were many spin offs of Dick Clark's American Bandstand where a bunch of dumb ass kids danced to songs Dick got paid to play and promote. In most cases, they were local rip off productions in mostly large metropolitan cities.

One exception was in the small town of Bogalusa, Louisiana. Although Bogalusa is best known in Louisiana for its "smell of death" due to a paper mill, many have forgotten Bogalusa Bandstand, a southern version of American Bandstand that was televised live every Saturday in the early 60s.

Only little white inbreds were allowed in and they always would book black singers and made them move around funny. All the white kids would just sit back, chew tobacco and stare suspiciously (as they were taught at home to do) at the black performer.....better known back then as the "Negro Performer of the Week".

Here's some rare footage I found of "Bogalusa Bandstand".

2009-05-26T14:05:00.008-05:00

Ursty wrote some lame post the other day about who won on American Idol and shit and said that he thought Bill O'Reilly would make a good Supreme Court Justice, replacing that dead black judge, Eldridge Cleaver or whatever his name was. You remember; father of the love child Beaver Cleaver.

I think Ursta was just trying to be funny but he actually touched on a serious issue, an issue of which no one really gives a rat's ass about. That is, the untimely removal of our comfort creatures and how we just sit back and say, who gives a fuck.

One must be careful to dismiss that tiniest change in what big brother wants us to see.

For example, where was Mr. Ursty when Richard Dawson left Family Feud???? That show lost all of its edginess and artistry the day Dawson left. As a side note, you should know that Mr. Dawson is in the Guinness book of world records for holding the record for kissing more black women than any other white man.

If I was a suspicious type, I could make the case that he was shown the door by racist network executives. But I will leave this for the scholars to study and debate over future generations. (There was a poll conducted and............survey said.............he was more loved in Hogan's Heroes but I believe that poll was rigged by someone. HOOOOOOOOOOOGAN!!!!!

Then there is the art school model Hucky who posted about some Mexican woman is being picked for the Supreme Court by President Obama. Besides worrying about unpaid income taxes, we now need to hold our breathe and hope that she didn't cross the border in the trunk of a car. Also, Hucky said he was happy.

Happy? Why? It ain't like she will ever fix a speeding ticket for him. As for human rights? Fuck, I have yet to see a fucking American run off to Syria claiming political persecution in the good old U.S. of A. unless they were some sort of terrorist nut job.

So why does Huck get an erection over this yet is able to maintain total control of his "stiffness" when posing nude for a bunch of 17 year old girls in a collage art class? He's a better man than me.

But none of this brings me to my intended topic. Which is.......

FUCK! I forget. God damn long intro.

New Orleans Hornets Videos

2009-05-07T08:53:00.006-05:00

Well, I changed out my New Orleans Hornet's widget for my New Orleans Saints widget. (See sidebar.) Here's some cool videos that can only be done by a New Orleans' NBA team.

New Orleans Hornets Videos

Note: Afte the first video plays, wait about 10 seconds, then another video will appear....and so on.

Naturally New Orleans

2009-05-04T10:13:00.002-05:00

In spite of the annual belly aching by New Orleans bloggers regarding the New Orleans Jazz and Heritage Festival, it appears the world (in addition to lots of locals) disagree with them. Uh…..well, like that’s new? If you were at Jazz Fest over the last couple of weekends, then you know of what I speak.

For $50.00 a day, you could see international headliners such as Neil Young and Etta James; hot local artists such as Marc Broussard and Anders Osborne or if you just hate tourists and wanted to keep the experience “local”, you could sit all day and listen to various gospel groups in the Gospel Tent or split the time with mesmerizing chants and drums from the various colorful Mardi Gras Indians groups and if you like, jazz it up at the traditional Jazz Tent and get this……. all for the same $50 per day. OK OK OK, so some tourists barge in over at those local venues too. How dare they?

You could even end the day and catch Jon Bon Jovi as you leave the Fairgrounds. Of course, if you're from New Orleans, you may want to wear a disguise since you have left the holy land and entered into a venue of sin.

What truly amazes me is New Orleanians have some of the best offerings to party their asses off but with the exception of Mardi Gras (which is free), they appear to hate and boycott anything with an admission charge while others from around the country and the world flock to our events.

Now ain’t dat just natchurlly New Awlens?

Hornets Fall to Nuggetts by 58

2009-04-28T14:38:00.005-05:00

I was one of the last ones out of the New Orleans Arena last night after our loyal fan base jumped ship at the end of the 3rd quarter of the New Orleans Hornets - Denver Nuggets playoff game. Couldn't have been more than 300 of us left at the final buzzer of the 18,000 plus who were there for the tip off. Can't blame then since it was a horrific game or should I say slaughter?

I suppose it isn't a good thing to write off the Hornets season before they take the court tomorrow night in Denver's Pepsi Center, but what I saw last night was a bunch of tired players who just have nothing else to give. My only criticism is that Coach Scott should have yanked Paul, West, Peja and Chandler off the court when into 3 minutes of the 3rd quarter, we saw that there would be no comeback in this game. Instead, he didn't give them the rest they not only needed but deserved until the beginning of the 4th quarter.

What saddens me is that tomorrow night in Denver will be the last appearance of Tyson Chandler in a Hornets uniform. Will Shaq be wearing Creole Blue next season? Don't know and don't care; at least for the moment.

Me and TC got tight by accident. We were standing next to each other court side in the Hive during warm ups back in October of last year when the Indiana Pacers were in town for a preseason game. I looked over to him and said "Dude, you are flying so fucking under the radar it isn't funny."

He gave me a puzzled look at first but after a brief second or 2, acknowledged with an expression that I could tell it had dawned on him as to what I was saying...then he smiled...thankfully.

Since then, he has taken care of me at a few games and I can always deliver to him a few laughs and get him to call me a crazy white boy. I am going to miss that but with the fucking NBA salary cap that not even a Harvard law graduate could even begin to comprehend, the bell is gonna toll.

For any of you in New Orleans who have yet to experience the fun and excitement of your team, the New Orleans Hornets, I would suggest to drag your sorry asses over to the arena next year and join in the fun. It'll be good for you and it will be good for our team.

Meanwhile, I have to target another player to kiss up to? UGH!!!!!

(Notice how calm I am? You too can enjoy better living with lexapro and vicodin chased by 2 shots of Smirnoff Vodka Twist Apple 70.)

You Heard It First Here Morons

2009-04-25T09:46:00.011-05:00

For those of you who snub me and for those of you have no faith in me (mom, dad, aunt fuck face, uncle dip shit; among others) scientist are finally confirming what I posted here nearly 2 years ago about fat fucks.

With that, I'm off to the Hornets playoff game (I get a free T-shirt and a free Hornet Voodoo doll....but how about just a win guys) and then I will end my day chilling at Jazz Fest.

L

2009-04-13T10:09:00.005-05:00

My previous post dealt with my jealousy of the Indigo Girls’ (Amy & Emily) relationship. They seem to have it so together and they present themselves as “naturally” gay. I considered becoming gay but I didn’t think I had the balls to make such a change. Besides, it ain’t like them gay folks don’t have enough to worry about.

Big EZ commented that I neglected to mention that being gay is the greatest way to pick up chicks.

Hey, that street goes both ways. (Oh shit, I wonder what Sigmund Freud would have to say about that statement????)

I once had a friend who was a butch lesbian. She is hopefully still breathing and living the good life in the New Orleans French Quarter earning a living as a social worker…MSW and BCSW. (I wish I had letters after my name).

Me and her hanged out a lot. She was not really fond of heterosexuals and never being in her shoes (no less her panties for sure), I didn’t care back then and I really don’t care today. It ain’t like she was tying us hetros to fences and killing us or trying to stop us from getting married and shit. She was my friend and I; her’s.

One day over at the old Luigi’s Pizza on Elysian Fields (gone and evidently forgotten according to Google and yeah, I go back that far), she just popped out and said “Dude, if you were a girl, I could really go for you”.

My response…..”If I was a girl I wouldn’t be sitting here eating pizza with you. I would be home naked playing with all my stuff in front of a mirror.” She laughed, hugged me and kissed me. (I wonder if I had a chance at that point to get her naked.)

Under that rough exterior and those hairy legs, their really was a hot chick. You know, as I think about it, she was hot just the way she was…..at least to me. Hope all is well L.

I Am Jealous

2009-04-11T12:42:00.009-05:00

For whatever God forsaken reason, I been playing a lot of the Indigo Girls lately. They are making "being gay" sound real good to me.

I will think it over. OK, done thunk, cannot be gay...can't make that lifestyle choice. Only gays can make those choices. I know dat true because they taught me dat somewhere I think. May have been that priest who they caught sucking on that 12 year old's cock. (Thy shall do as I say, not as I do; moron!)

See, now we all think gays are child molesters. This is furthest from the truth. That's like saying "all Catholic priests" are child molesters. Of course this is a false statement and really puts the minority of priests in a bad light.

Here's what's up if you care to know. Listening to the Indigo Girls makes me feel good. Where have you ever heard two people communicate so explicitly about their relationship with each other; the good, the bad, the ugly but best of all; their genuine love for each other. Their presentation is so honest.

That's all it is. No harm to anyone; just plain honesty.

OK, so you have read this far and you're saying to yourself, "what the fuck???? This can't be the 'D-BB' we all come to learn to detest. What's with all this sensitivity?"

OK, here's my point. Gay people piss me off when they stick it in my face that they are Gay and it is so great. Fuck that. That's like me saying, being heterosexual is great. Fuck. If I could pick, I would be bi-sexual. So much more to choose from. I can hear me now:

"Wow, look at the boobs on the babe."

"Wow, look at the abs on that dude."

"Wow, nice ass."

"Wow, uh; nice ass."

Just be who you are and enjoy life. We really have no need nor anything to prove to each other. When we think we do, it is then when we believe that we are of a sum lesser than those who are different from us.

One more thing. I think I got dissed by someone named Albert Tross or something. He didn't take kindly to my support (by way of a comment) over at young master's Jiffy's blog regarding giving Obama the benefit of a doubt regarding decisions he's having to make. Obama needs our support and if you think that I am wrong; that's your right. I just hope the attack on me was not racially motivated.

D-BB Kills Tax Bill

2009-03-31T11:54:00.016-05:00

I met with Louisiana State Representative Robert Billiot from Waggaman LA. over some early smallish but tasty crawfish a few days ago and we discussed his Fat Tax proposal that would tax TVs, video games and hot air balloon riding.

After a 4 hour meeting, I was able to persuade Bob to withdraw his bill. The clincher was when I showed him my award winning post that I published last year about Fat People.

Where There's Smoke, There's Taxes

2009-03-25T14:58:00.005-05:00

OK, so I don't smoke. (Look fuck faces, I can't be completely toxic.) But I do have a butt to pick. Not the anal kind, but the kind that is put in the mouth. OK, I need to be clearer. A cigarette butt.

Louisiana House Rep. Karen Carter Peterson said she plans to file legislation that would add $1 in taxes per package of cigarettes. Peterson said the tax on cigars and other tobacco products would jump by 50 percent of their current level.

Well ain't you a fucking cunt. If you would have used tobacco taxes and lawsuit settlements like you said you would (and needed to you fucking filthy liar), I could live with a tax on tobacco. But taxing a minority of the population to benefit the entire population is sort of like what Margaret Thatcher did to us back in the 1700s resulting in people getting so depressed, they had tea parties and between planning and peeing (from drinking so much fucking tea), they overthrew Maggie's government, invaded Great Britain and killed all the dentists.

It gets worse. Louisiana Rep. Robert Billiot says he gonna introduce a bill that would impose an additional 1-percent sales tax on televisions and video game equipment. I'll deal with this cocksucker Monday.

People Without Dicks In The Huddle Part 2

2009-03-20T10:20:00.003-05:00

Calls for an End-around. He's as nutty as the fans....must be the water.

People Without Dicks In The Huddle have now joined those fuck heads ,refusing to allow me to post comments on their site.

All I said on those cunts' blog was something along the lines of that the signing of free agent safety Darren Sharper will end his illustrious career since the Saints' defensive line's pass rush allows about 20 seconds for a receiver to get open. No curse words, no insults just an honest observation of a team with a coach who should now know, never try 4th and 1 while passing up 3 points making us look like fucking idiots. Hey coach, remember? We da Saints monkey brains.

Those snotty bitches over in the menopausal huddle just want to hear what they want and if you don't agree, they censor you on their little "dream on" blog. Fuck you.

By the way, how does Saints' head coach Sean Payton run out the clock when we have a lead? (Scroll up to the first line.)

People Without Dicks In The Huddle

2009-03-15T10:39:00.011-05:00

They call themselves “Chicks in the Huddle”. Their blog proves that menopause is the most neglected condition affecting mankind.

Menopause has been used as an excuse to commit vicious crimes such as that bitch that ran her husband over in Texas with a car that “he” bought, that bitch who put a hit out on her husband that owns car dealerships in Louisiana…(that may have been because of his singing in which case, I agree, she should have had him bumped off) and of course, Eve who got us all fucked up by fucking over God when she forced Adam to eat that fucking apple. If he didn't take a bite, she threatened him with, and I quote from some chapter and verse: "No more pussy for you buster".

Anyway, there’s a bunch of cunts that support banning my opinions. They even threatened me. Call me a spammer too. Me, an award winning blogger. What a bunch of selfish pieces of shit.

Yes, I am “name” calling but they and their slime ball friends started that. I could be man enough not to stoop to their level but I have that “stooping” gene (not to be confused with “Stooping Jean”, the contortionist over at NICE (New Improved Cleaner Escorts).

I can only hope these football sluts meet the same outcum as did Eve when, after fucking up the Garden of Eden, got eaten up by a Dinosaur as stated in the new, improved bible which just by coincidence, I am selling on eBay or can be purchased here for $19.95 (plus shipping, handling and VAT).

Fact: In February 2007 or 2008, the Journal of The American Medical Association published an article that doctors in Great Britain documented that women outlive men by nearly 7 years because us guys just can’t take it anymore and just give up on the life-force.

FUCK YOU or............

2009-03-12T14:29:00.009-05:00

You are banned from Canal Street Chronicles
You can browse the blog, but you can't participate.

OK, so there I am yesterday reading nonsense about the New Orleans Saints in fucking March on something called the Canal Street Kronicals where if you say something they don't like, they expel you. I lasted less than 24 hours with those brainless fuck heads.

They however can call me a terrorist, an anti Saint fan...(FUCK!!! I have season tickets even before we had a black QB mother fucker) and called me an old man with balls hanging to the ground.....God forbid I live that long....and they made false allegations of what I'd posted and where and how I posted it.

Of course they will deny what I am saying. Fortunately, and thanks to that fucking nit wit Donny over at the dormant Katrinacrat who would alsways censor me, I've learned to copy whatever I say, especially when I am dealing with censoring neo-Nazi morons who wouldn't know the truth it it fucked them in their fucking assholes

I mean fuck, it took the Saints 20 motherfucking years to achieve.........drum roll please............BOOOOOOM, a Superbowl win????? Nope. A Superbowl defeat???? Nope. A conference championship???? Nope. A conference defeat???? Nope. A playoff win????? Nope. A playoff defeat???? Nope.

Survey sayyyyyyyyyyys......................A cock sucking winning season. Two mother fucking decades without a winning season.

These morons over on that Nazi site are laughing at Detroit, Chicago and Pittsburgh. Just a bit of info on the Lions, they won NFL Championships in 1935, 1952, 1953, 1957; the NFL Western Division Championships in 1935, 1952, 1953, 1954, 1957; the NFC Central Division Championships in 1983, 1991, 1993 and an all time record of 485-542-32 or .473. Yep, they suck.

But check out our Saints. The Saints have an all time record of 261-375-5 or .407 and 3 division conference championship, the NFC West in 1991 and 2000 and the NFC South in 2006. But what the fuck? I still go. I'm just a realist and for that I get banned and called names like terrorist and liar and monkey breath heathen?????

Obviously, the Saints are not as good as the Lions historically, and that was all I was trying to say........like chill on the Saints and get behind the New Orleans Hornets.

The funny thing is, they called me the names, they used the bad language and I am the one who gets the boot. Now dat am funny.

OK, so I did have a little fun with these numb nuts. While there I also presented the fact that an average of 50 people die of cardiac arrests or something each weekend at an NFL game. Some duecebag named Saintsational commented: 50 people die per week WHILE ATTENDING an NFL game? This doesn’t sound right.

OK you got me, it's only 47. (I bet Saintsational is a "she" and "she" is "blond".)

Anyway, I have the entire thread that I thought about posting but my gut is these are basically nice people so why expose their retarded side. Am I nice or what???????????

Private to Saintsational: Prior to John Mecom owning the NFL New Orleans Saints franchise, Larry Fine, famed confident to John F. Kennedy and Ambassador to Canada in the 50s was the majority share holder. Also, if you hot, send me an email.

2009-03-03T11:55:00.003-06:00

Is it me or is Rush Limbowel's head getting bigger and if so, how can his brain take on such a massive task. I think this means either he dies of stupidity like the dinosaurs did as the Catholic nuns taught me in catechism or a meteor is gonna hit us and destroy the fucking world like the evolutionists teach us.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, I guess I need to pick.

Hail Mary full of grace The Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women, (especially the hot ones), and blessed is the fruit
of thy womb....yadda yadda yadda.

D-BB Returns to His Roots

2009-02-16T09:21:00.006-06:00

Due to my busy schedule, I will return to my original "drive-bys". So what better way to end with a few events that I experienced last year so that I may learn from these experiences. (Yeah fuck heads, I know; I ran this post on Dec. 31.)

The following are a few incidents that happened in 2008. As for anyone who knows me, you can certainly tell from these incidents that I have truly grown spiritually since 2007.

January: My masturbation was completely out of control. Once I even crouched down in an aisle at The Goodwill Store and whacked my meat off to a very attractive nude mannequin. My privacy was invaded by a hidden security camera. Like somebody is going to shoplift that fucking used up shit. Besides, it was they who allowed that mannequin to be there fully exposed for all to see. This was entrapment. Goodwill my ass! Fucking perverted sneaks. Also, I developed a medical condition called "Masturbation Elbow".

February: I was banned from stepping on the campus of Newcomb College in uptown New Orleans (fucking snobs) for forcing my way into the art class and posing nude. OK, so I also posed nude in the caferteria. I saw no rules posted.

March: I jumped up and down continuously for 6 days trying to take advantage of Earth's rotation so that I could travel from New Orleans to fucking Disney World in Orlando, Florida. On the 6Th day, my trip ended when I was blocked by the house across the street. The fucks wouldn't allow me a "right of way".

April: I got banned from selling on EBay because I was selling a DVD of The Greatest Story Ever Told that had an alternate ending and 2 deleted commandments. Fucking anti-Christian mother fucking Heathens!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

May: I sat at the front door naked continuously waiting for the Jehovah Witnesses to come by in case the Jahovee was a girl. Due to a plea bargain, I cannot tell you the entire story but please, if you are a Jehovah Witness and you do not want your child exposed to nudity, don't take them with you on your door to door fucking crusade you fucking morons. Do you really think I am the only person who answers the door naked for all you holier than thou fucks?

June: I was rejected during an audition for the porn movie, "In The Feet of The Night" due to overacting and for being too obscene.

July: I sued the Justice of the Peace for not giving a full disclosure of the marriage vows that I agreed to. (To which I agreed....that's for Hucky in case he reads this since he's a professor at Delgado Community College which is like the 13Th and 14Th grade of high school for morons in New Orleans and he will nit pick and point out my bad grammar. Frankly, I think it's getting more better. Also, I think Hucky lives in uptown New Orleans.) (See February).

Anyways....the fucking mother fucker (not Hucky; the Justice of the Piece) asked me if I would take "her" for better or for worse. Being the trusting sole that I am and being the sort of guy who believes shit will just work itself out, I answered, and I quote...

"That's a fucking stupid question. I just gave you 50 bucks to marry us fuck face.....like if I can't decide at this moment, do I get a refund?" He said "no". So I responded, "sure, what the fuck?" (That was a rhetorical question).

Well let me tell you, whenever I do any sort of business with anyone, before I give the answer, "sure, what the fuck", I ask a lot of questions and I want a lot of details.

August: As I stated in July, I want information before I sign shit and get fucked over again. I went to a doctor and they wanted my social security number. Oh yeah you fucking malpracticing piece of shit; you want mine, then give me yours, cock sucker.

September: I got arrested for posing as a door to door gynecologist. I bet you I have seen more pussies than most gynos so I felt quite qualified in my endeavor. OK, so they are just pictures but I know a good pussy when I see and smell one.

October: While vacuuming, my dick accidental got sucked into an Oreck Ultimate Handheld Vacuum Cleaner. The fire department refused to come out and help me since they said 3 times in one year was it. Fuck...I'm a tax payer and this is what I get; a smart ass insensitive public employee. So I had to use a hacksaw. This required the precision of a fucking brain surgeon who by the way, needs my social security number before cutting out part of my fucking brain...cock sucking mother fuckers.....

Anyway, after hours of cutting and manipulation, I did get that fucking vacuum tube off my dick. I now believe I can perform a circumcision but I would rather be a gynecologist....but you already knew that.

November: In an attempt to meet women, I volunteered to answer the hot line for abused women over at the YWCA. Evidently, the first 3 callers I got reported me. How ungrateful! And those fucking, man hating lezbos over at the Y did not appreciate the sacrificing of my valuable time to help out. I am still going to take a whole 1 day as a fucking tax deduction.

December: Because no doctor will give me their social security number, I have gone without medical treatment now for 2 months for the runny sores on my dick. I told my wife it was a new product; a time release lubricant. Also, I think whatever I have may have killed my neighbor's pet chicken. FUCK FUCK FUCK

Anyway, Happy Fucking New Year and no, I don't mean to everyone.

Hornets or WannaBees....A Different Perspective

2009-02-04T11:45:00.008-06:00

OK OK OK, so now I hear that Hornets' guard and NBA All Star Chris Paul will not be out as long as first thought due to a groin injury in Monday night's game against the Portland Trailblazers.

As for donating my season tickets as I had planned to do yesterday…….. Will someone at the Make a Wish Foundation please inform little Tommy that life can take some strange turns at times and sucks and overall; is overrated?

Hornets or Bees

2009-02-03T12:32:00.005-06:00

Fact:
The New Orleans Hornets without Chris Paul are the New Orleans WannaBees.

Fact: I blew 4 grand on season tickets and parking for the Hornets. The good news....I will be donating the remainder of my tickets meaning the chances of me getting murdered have dropped from "quite possible" to "slim".

(If you live in or around New Orleans, you will understand what I mean.) If you don't, then try finding someone with an IQ over fucking 50 to help you understand moron.)

Do it Yourself Tax Cuts

2009-02-02T10:29:00.004-06:00

Hi kiddies, it's that time of the year for most of us. Right........tax time, a multi-billion dollar business for tax attorneys and just another bunch of days until April 15th if you are a drug dealer, a member of an organized crime family, a member of Congress or an Obama nominee for a cabinet post.

Which brings to mind.......... why do so many folks in in Washington, D.C. resist cutting our taxes? Let me think.

Facts:

Besides not paying income taxes, Tim Geithner also stiffs the girl scout cookie girl. (Hey, get your mind out of the gutter.)

Tom Daschle use to hide out in the bathroom when they would pass around the United Way contribution cards in Congress. He is also a good friend of Larry Craig. (Hey, get your mind out of the gutter.)

I Object Part 3

2009-01-28T10:18:00.017-06:00

I object as did many others when they read what Jeffro stated about one of my comments on his blog regarding allowing us to share in his honeymoon night by video recording or video streaming the action as he and his lovely wife becum one.

Young Joffro, please understand that I consider you a close friend and colleague but surely your descriptive portrayal of my respectful and polite inquiry was maliciously off the target.

To say that my comment regarding video streaming or recording your honeymoon was one of the “creepiest” things I have posted repulsed me. Why is that you ask? It shows a lack of precontental respect. For instance…..

Some might argue it was my interjection over some controversy involving New Orleans City Council woman Stage Hedge when I just stated innocently, “I would do her” as one of my “creepiest”. Well holy fucking Mother of God, some woman got insulted and wrote Al Gore requesting that I be banned from the Internet. She found me repulsive. What a judgmental bitch. I think that happen over at Urster’s.

Some may say it was the GrandMaMa (or whatever she calls herself) incident when I stated something along the lines; and may I add; quite politely, that she gave off an impression of being an old bag. Well, not only did she attack me but even her homey viciously attacked me (said I had crap for brains) in public no less. Evidently, I hit a bit too close to home and defense mechanisms were elevated to red alert. And Ursta said she was in fact hot! (I saw her pic a couple of weeks ago….it was much worse than I had imagine. Also, Urster may be legally blind.)

Others believe it was a post on someone’s blog where I suggested that all pre-priests be castrated just as a precaution. I mean, what’s the point of having 3 gigs of memory if you only gonna play soli-fucking-tary on your computer? And for the safety of children, only children with sexually transmitted diseases can become altar boys. I also suggested that the Little Sisters of the Poor consider “putting out” to raise some cash instead of bumming money like a bunch of fucking winos. Wow, you would have thought I was Satan himself. They bellyache on and on about how bad things are but when I offer solutions, I am attacked and may I add; slandered.

Then there was the real-estate agent's blog where I suggested that to get a great deal as a buyer, visit the neighbor of the owner whose house you are interested in buying and offer the neighbor a $100 to put up signs that say he was convicted of being a sexual predator. (Be nice and supply the signs and offer to place them.) This always puts the buyer in an enviable position. Also, the other neighbors nearby are happy because it is less likely that someone with fucking annoying, moronic, nasty, funky kids will buy a house next-door to a sexual predator. As soon as the deal goes through, he takes the signs down. That roach infested cunt blogger removed my suggestion from her blog.

I am now commenting on her blog as Jesús the illegal alien and telling her I need one of them foreclosed gringo homes for me, my wife, my eight kids and my mother. Unfortunately my mother-law did not survive the trip to this wonderful county. We were so hungry......... I meant to slaughter our donkey for food but shot and gutted my mother-in-law by mistake. It was dark. The heat.......it was so hot..... my vision was blurred. Also, with her nasty disposition, I was surprised how good the old gal tasted.

Viva el Mexico and long live the memory of Stinko de Mildew!

Look Jiffy, I am not angry with you but perhaps a little bent. No hard feelings and in fact, as you approach the day when you will lose your virginity, I would be more than happy to give you some tips including where and where not to stick your tongue. In fact, I would not mind running you and your lovely bride-to-be through a few dry runs if you know what I mean.... that is if you still insist on going through with this barbaric ritual that society has perpetrated on God’s favorite and chosen children; us guys.

I Object Part 1

2009-01-23T11:06:00.004-06:00

I was brutally attacked a few days ago by Jifro over at the Liberry Khronicles. Here's what took place beginning with my simple innocent comment/question.

D-BB COMMENTS/QUESTIONS: Hey Jiffery, when u get married and end life as u know it, u think your wife is gonna tolerate all this sitting at a computer all day when u could be working at Blockbuster part time making money? Also, will u be posting your honeymoon pics and have a live stream?

JEFFORY COMMENTS/SLANDERS: So that's 2 questions. Uh probably no to the first one. And definitely no to the second.... which is probably the creepiest thing you've written yet, btw.

D-BB COMMENTS: Hey, I video streamed my honeymoon. Anyone watching it saw how sensitive I was since I refused to come out of the bathroom. Let me tell you dude, the best she will ever look is now. Once you enter hand in hand into the land of the walking dead, she will let herself go. You should have seen the transition my wife went through in just a few hours. It took the Pigeon Forge Volunteer Fire dept. hours and eventually the use of the Jaws of Life to get me out of that bathroom!
----------------------------------------------

What the fuck!!!!!!!!!!! ".....which is probably the creepiest thing you've written yet,btw." He actually said dat.

Truly I don't know where to begin. I have at least calm down enough to post this much of this outrageous descriptive characterization of what I said and in fact, who I am.

I shall ponder over this further this weekend and finish this post Monday; a post which will prove that young Jeffro has no clue as to what he speaks...of which...that is...which of be me...am. Whatever.........FUCK!

Obama 44

2009-01-20T11:53:00.007-06:00

Doing this on the fly............................

OK, so Obama fucked up the swearing in. Big fucking deal......I now get to watch these fucking ass fringe conservative bloggers have a field day with that. Fuck you. I am sure Louisiana Senator David Vitter is filing a protest as I sit here. I do believe however he gave David Letterman some quick material for that "Great Speeches by American Presidents" routine. Think he'll take a pass? That fuck.

Here's how it goes morons; Obama will make a lot of people angry.....not me though, I beat this guy to the punch long ago. His biggest disappointees of course will be the poor and the blacks and of course the far left. Reality check in time will be soon too. Boo Hoo Hoo Fucking H00!

Although Obama's popularity can be equated with that of a rock star, a lot of people voted for McCain. There can be no possible reason to have voted for McCain unless you just hate blacks. Keep an eye out for them. Fuck you.

For me, I finally feel there is some hope since I believe we have a guy who will surround himself with good people and make my fucking 401k appear a bit less anemic and bring some intellect to the White House.

His speech was nothing special. I like that. No bull shit; just honest good shit. Ain't it nice to see some honesty rather than a bunch of fucking words blended together to sound great. Ain't the "words" you fucking morons, it's the action. Bush 43 had good words a few times. FUCK FUCK FUCK!

I have no clue as to where this guy is taking us but I believe he will take us from a bad place to a better place.

ADDENDUMS (or is it ADDENDUMI?):
1. Chief Justice John Roberts fucked up the oath; not Obama.
2. Joe Biden has stated he wrote part of the Rev. Rick Warren's invocation.....the part that started off with "Our Father, Who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy Name"...blah blah blah.
3. Parts of D.C. were designated as Prostitution Free Zones. (I knew I should have gone. Damn it, free prostitutes and they even tell you where they are. Nice touch.)
3. David Vitter was no where to be found during today's inaugural events. He was enforcing them Prostitution Free Zones.

R.I.P

2009-01-15T22:41:00.001-06:00

Patrick Joseph McGoohan (March 19, 1928 – January 13, 2009)

Be seeing you.

Reflections 2008

2008-12-31T10:31:00.007-06:00

Thankfully, this has been a fairly uneventful year for me. Now, I shall take pause and reflect.

January: My masturbation was completely out of control. Once I even crouched down in an aisle at The Goodwill Store and whacked my meat off to a very attractive nude mannequin. My privacy was invaded by a hidden security camera. Like somebody is going to shoplift that fucking used up shit. Besides, it was they who allowed that mannequin to be there fully exposed for all to see. This was entrapment. Goodwill my ass! Fucking perverted sneaks. Also, I developed a medical condition called "Masturbation Elbow".

February: I was banned from stepping on the campus of Newcomb College in uptown New Orleans (fucking snobs) for forcing my way into the art class and posing nude. OK, so I also posed nude in the caferteria. I saw no rules posted.

March: I jumped up and down continuously for 6 days trying to take advantage of Earth's rotation so that I could travel from New Orleans to fucking Disney World in Orlando, Florida. On the 6Th day, my trip ended when I was blocked by the house across the street. The fucks wouldn't allow me a "right of way".

April: I got banned from selling on EBay because I was selling a DVD of The Greatest Story Ever Told that had an alternate ending and 2 deleted commandments. Fucking anti-Christian mother fucking Heathens!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

May: I sat at the front door naked continuously waiting for the Jehovah Witnesses to come by in case the Jahovee was a girl. Due to a plea bargain, I cannot tell you the entire story but please, if you are a Jehovah Witness and you do not want your child exposed to nudity, don't take them with you on your door to door fucking crusade you fucking morons. Do you really think I am the only person who answers the door naked for all you holier than thou fucks?

June: I was rejected during an audition for the porn movie, "In The Feet of The Night" due to overacting and for being too obscene.

July: I sued the Justice of the Peace for not giving a full disclosure of the marriage vows that I agreed to. (To which I agreed....that's for Hucky in case he reads this since he's a professor at Delgado Community College which is like the 13Th and 14Th grade of high school for morons in New Orleans and he will nit pick and point out my bad grammar. Frankly, I think it's getting more better. Also, I think Hucky lives in uptown New Orleans. (See February).

Anyways....the fucking mother fucker (not Hucky; the Justice of the Piece) asked me if I would take "her" for better or for worse. Being the trusting sole that I am and being the sort of guy who believes shit will just work itself out, I answered, and I quote...

"That's a fucking stupid question. I just gave you 50 bucks to marry us fuck face.....like if I can't decide at this moment, do I get a refund?" He said "no". So I responded, "sure, what the fuck?" (That was a rhetorical question).

Well let me tell you, whenever I do any sort of business with anyone, before I give the answer, "sure, what the fuck", I ask a lot of questions and I want a lot of details.

August: As I stated in July, I want information before I sign shit and get fucked over again. I went to a doctor and they wanted my social security number. Oh yeah you fucking malpracticing piece of shit; you want mine, then give me yours, cock sucker.

September: I got arrested for posing as a door to door gynecologist. I bet you I have seen more pussies than most gynos so I felt quite qualified in my endeavor. OK, so they are just pictures but I know a good pussy when I see and smell one.

October: While vacuuming, my dick accidental got sucked into an Oreck Ultimate Handheld Vacuum Cleaner. The fire department refused to come out and help me since they said 3 times in one year was it. Fuck...I'm a tax payer and this is what I get; a smart ass insensitive public employee. So I had to use a hacksaw. This required the precision of a fucking brain surgeon who by the way, needs my social security number before cutting out part of my fucking brain...cock sucking mother fuckers.....

Anyway, after hours of cutting and manipulation, I did get that fucking vacuum tube off my dick. I now believe I can perform a circumcision but I would rather be a gynecologist....but you already knew that.

November: In an attempt to meet women, I volunteered to answer the hot line for abused women over at the YWCA. Evidently, the first 3 callers I got reported me. How ungrateful! And those fucking, man hating lezbos over at the Y did not appreciate the sacrificing of my valuable time to help out. I am still going to take a whole 1 day as a fucking tax deduction.

December: Because no doctor will give me their social security number, I have gone without medical treatment now for 2 months for the runny sores on my dick. I told my wife it was a new product; a time release lubricant. Also, I think whatever I have may have killed my neighbor's pet chicken. FUCK FUCK FUCK

Anyway, Happy Fucking New Year and no, I don't mean to everyone.

Mission Accomplished

2008-12-29T09:52:00.015-06:00

OK, I am repeating step 2 of this "curse" Sweet Feet has placed upon me.

1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself.
4. Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them.
5. Let each person know they've been tagged and leave a comment on their blog.
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is up.
7. Send a nude photo to the person who tagged you.

I am (or have):
1. Tall.
2. Handsome.
3. Just shaved beard off.
4. Horny a lot of the time.
5. Hornier most of the time.
6. Found a gray pubic hair on my keyboard that led to a horrible discovery.

I tag:

Dorkie-She

GG

My New Girlfriend

Another New Girlfriend

Lippy

Swampy

LINK BACK TO Sweet Feet

OK, I think I have completed my assignment. I am hoping that sweet feet sends me a nice pic for all my time and trouble; her boobs would be nice.

My Favorite Thief

2008-12-18T17:08:00.005-06:00

New Orleans Hornets guard Chris Paul set an NBA record last night with his 106th consecutive steal in a regular-season game.

Paul broke Alvin Robertson's mark set between November 1985 and December 1986. Robertson was playing for San Antonio when he set the previous mark of 105, which Paul tied Tuesday night in Memphis.

Paul broke the record when he stole the ball from San Antonio's Tony Parker with 3:43 left in the second quarter. The crowd immediately recognized the record and stood, yelled, high fived their seat mates and applause. It was a special moment.

While New Orleans continues to moan and groan about the New Orleans Saints, clearly the most pathetic professional franchise since the 1906 NHL Cincinnati Alzheimers who forfeited all their games because they always forgot what night the games were on, the New Orleans Hornets continue to provide a first class, kick ass show for us fans in Metairie, Bay St. Louis, Harahan, Mobile, Mandeville, Slidell, Covington, Pearl River, Destrehan and all the cities that surround New Orleans and yes; even for the few New Orleanians who sometimes attend a game.

Last night we witnessed NBA history and a fantastic come from behind win over the San Antonio Spurs, a team up until 11PM last night was tied with New Orleans for 1st place in the NBA's S.W. Division. If you missed that, you were so fucked.

It's ashame that the New Orleans Arena was built in New Orleans and not Metairie, LA. That would have allowed the Hornets to sell out every game as other teams have done in major league cities; many of which are far inferior to our Hornets. But other than crime and murders, New Orleans has no resemblance of a major league city.

Sweet Feet Tags D-BB

2008-12-12T11:03:00.006-06:00

So this is my assignment.

1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself.
4. Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them.
5. Let each person know they've been tagged and leave a comment on their blog.
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

OK OK OK, so I have now completed steps 1 & 2.

This is so fucking overwhelming, how am I suppose do this with my busy schedule? Didn't I just write how fucked up my life is and how time consuming all my duties are? In addition to all the shit I have to do, I am having to keep an eye on the fucking NOLA Bloggers. They still fine shit to whine about. POOR MOTHER FUCKING BABIES. WHINE WHINE WHINE! FUCK YOU. Get my fucking life assholes, then you got a reason to whine.

Now they worried about that China man guy who won a Senate seat representing the Great State of Louisiana in the U.S. of A. Congress. Who gives a rat's fucking ass. And why be so anti oriental? Some of the best hand jobs I ever got were on Chef Menteur Hwy by some young professional oriental female masseuses.

FUCK ME IN THE EAR WITH MY SOUVENIR CELERY STALK!!!!!!!!

I will attempt to complete step 3 next week....sweet feet.

D-BB UPDATE

2008-12-10T09:13:00.005-06:00

Blogging time has all but disappeared. Balancing my life among (yeah, like that sounds better than between) my wife, 2 mistresses, taking advantage of my subscription to N.I.C.E. (New Improved Clean Escorts) and 3 sentences of community service, not only has blogging become a luxury, surfing porn has been whittled down to just 6 hours a day!

I received an email from the widow of some government official from Liberia. She wants to give me money if I assist her. So see fuck holes, I am internationally important.

Dorkie-She has been found. I was forced to pay myself a substantial reward.

My wife has lost her mind. Now she has defined my dating as cheating! What the fuck???????????

I got food poisoning at N.I.C.E. (New Improved Clean Escorts). I was performing a vaginal exam with my mouth if you know what I mean when I came across a couple of kernels of corn, a couple of peas and part of a celery stalk; all of which I swallowed. I thought it was a new buffet service. Fuck!!!! Evidently the guy right before me was sick and puked. I found out later however, he did not have any celery; that was from a couple of days ago and was not previously digested.

Fuck, I have to go. Someone is at the door wearing a cop uniform. Don't you hate it when that happens?

Amber Alert

2008-11-29T11:21:00.013-06:00

MISSING
The beautiful and witty Dorkie-She aka ~*~

Last seen on her blog. Any information as to her whereabouts may lead to a substantial reward.I hope you dumb fucks know what the word "may" means!

Le Sujet du Jour

2008-11-26T12:16:00.010-06:00

I am such a lazy fuck that I have to even force myself to blog something. Is there any sort of obligation to blog something? Of course not you dimwit but the sort of stuff I blog is nothing more than a cry out for attention. There is obviously something missing in my pathetic life. Not enough sex? Nope, just not enough variety. Self satisfaction? Nope, except from excessive masturbation.

Whatever the reason, I need to write something today because my poor pitiful fucking sinful soul is lonely. Awwwwwwwwww, poor fucking me but shit, as I look around the blog world, I'm far from being alone. The only difference with me is I know I am deprived and even though this is a way of getting attention, I am so fucking lazy that I would love to hire someone to do this for me. Now that's fucked up.

Now, for my sujet du jour.

My new girlfriend and a former runner up in the Miss Louisiana Beauty Pageant Kate sent me this comment on my last post:

do you really hate the french, or just the fleur-de-lis? because i hate the fleur-de-lis, and yes i have blogged about it. but, for example, zidane is my hero. sure he's from algeria, but he was the star of the french national team until he head-butted his way out. why do you hate the french soccer team so much?
This is an easy question for me to answer. HOW THE FUCK DO I KNOW???

Look, I hate the French and I am one quarter French because my father polluted my fucking genes with his fucking French genes but thankfully not that fucking Cajun make believe bull shit French. Thank God for small fucking favors. (Have you ever met a Guidry you would ever consider sleeping with?)

As for why I hate these fucks? Look Miss Nosey, I hate French people, African people (I know, it's a fucking continent) I hate Hispanics, Arabs, Jews, Buddhists, Canadians, orientals, blacks, whites, the fucking handicapped who apparently are not enough "handicapped" to drive around in a fucking car and get all the good parking spots and if they are real handicapped, they don't use the good parking spots and it just stays there empty and I have to walk a fucking mile to buy stuff and of course last but not least, I hate children. I'm sure I left someone out but trust me, I probably will hate them. Before you jump to some prejudicial conclusion, you should know I don't hate the New Orleans Hornets but that Jeffrey guy does. I do hate soccer though.

Look, before I write something that may offend someone, let me just say this. The Fleur-De-Loser looks like some sort of perverted dildo. Putting that aside though, of all the groups I hate, the French are the only ones who have done the most to piss me off followed closely by the fucking Jehovah Witnesses and the way they lie about me opening the door naked. (Don't come knocking on my door you miserable aggravating fucks and we wouldn't have those sort of incidents.)

Also, I didn't have anything to write about that day. Now, aren't you glad you asked? I am.

The Fucking Fleur De Lis

2008-11-21T14:46:00.019-06:00

So why do we have such a great affection for a logo that looks like a fucking peeled rotten banana?

Q: Why do the French like smelly cheeses?

A: Well, in a room full of French people, you can't really smell the cheese.

First of all, it’s French. And we know what the French are. Besides being cowards, they hate our guts even after we saved their sorry asses in WW II at the cost of thousands of young American lives. I wish we could have come to a compromise with Hitler but he did have a few psychotic issues I suppose. Still, I would have loved to see women speaking German who never shave their underarms and draw more flies then a whore's pussy on a hot summer day on Chef Menteur Hwy. in beautiful New Orleans East.

Q. What do women who are snipers in the French military use as camouflage?

A. Their armpits.

Even the freakin’ Mexicans celebrate Stinko Di Mildew day or whatever it's called because they kicked ass on the French like a hundred or 2 hundred years ago. Like, what is there to celebrate? Who hasn't beaten the fucking French?

The French have only one actual fighting war hero, Joan of Arc, and they turned her over to the enemy!

I assure you, those French fucks will wear towels on their fucking heads faster then you can say ma fille française a une chatte smelly if they ever have to pick sides between us or Al-Qaeda if some crazy fuck threatens to run into a school yard yelling out “Allah is great” while blowing up a bunch of fucking little French kids. Awwww, scaredy-cat scaredy-cat, suck my scary cock.

Q. What is the first thing the French teach their kids in school?

A. How to say "We Surrender" in every language known to mankind.

Where I am going with this concerns that nasty fucking Fleur De Lis and how it fucks up everything. That symbol is nothing but trouble and just the name "Fleur De Lis" is a horrible curse. Take for example when the 17th St Canal’s levee was breached during Katrina. What side of the canal opened up? Of course, the side that was just blocks away from where the potholed, unintentional speed bumped Fleur De Lis Blvd. is located.

The NFL New Orleans Saints have adorned this symbol of cowardness since their inception in 1967. The Saints have the worse overall win - loss record of any American professional sports franchised. I am willing to bet, with the exception of the French Soccer team, they probably have the worse record of any professional team in the entire fucking universe.

Q. Why did the French celebrate their World Cup Championship in 2000 so wildly?

A. It was their first time they won anything without the help of the U.S.

So, what does our New Orleans Hornets do this year? They adopt a hornet - Fleur De Lis combo as the new logo. FUCK FUCK FUCK!

We went from this...

To this....

A fucking bug and a French symbol. FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!!

Q. What is the difference between a Frenchwoman and a basketball team? A. The basketball team showers after 4 periods.

Even the fucking French Quarter is made up of mostly Spanish architecture. The French buildings burned to the ground centuries ago….good fucking riddance.

Back to the Hornets…these fucks had a great year last year and improved their team by adding free agent guard/ forward James Posey who played last year for the NBA champion Boston Celtics…..another piece of humanity I could do without; the fucking Irish. They can’t even pronounce the name of their team correctly…….what a bunch of drunken fucks.

So the Hornets unveil their new team logo. They are now “French” influenced, just like everything else down here….the losing fucking Saints, a city that can’t seem to do anything right except get people fat on over rated food that ends up killing them of course, the U. S. state that is most connected to the French…...a state that lags other states in just about every category that matters and now that little fucking French symbol has again been adopted, this time by the New Orleans Hornets and again, apparently has fucked up what was a perfectly good basketball team picked by many to win the NBA championship this season.

Q. Whats the difference between a Frenchmen and a bucket of shit?

A. The bucket.

Viva La France’????? Viva my fucking ass!!!!!

Pure Fucking Genius

2008-11-19T13:03:00.010-06:00

From my esteem colleague and former nude art class model, Urster….we get a link to this. (When I say “we get this”, actually, only “I” get this.)

This is what sets apart geniuses like me from the rest of the word. HA HA FUCKING HA!

This invention is fucking brilliant!!!! Next stop; Washington D.C. to request a bailout due to lack of sales. Giving the inventor (or inventors) 2 million dollars will partially (don’t ask) pay off their salaries of which they owe to themselves.

PLEASE DO NOT READ THE FINE PRINT

Of course, giving them bailout money won’t boost sales; the product is still a retarded piece of shit. But you already knew that.

I Hate People Who Express Hatred

2008-11-15T14:48:00.009-06:00

OK OK OK, it's been a while since I posted but I have to get use to having a president that is so different than me, if you know what I mean. But now I have a question and it is directed at the passionately liberal assholes who I blog with and with all due respect, who are so fucking hypocritical that they make a true constitutionist or one of them hairy legged bitches with knotted hair and no makeup who always pop up as a spokesperson for the ACLU want to puke their guts up.

Harry Potter impersonator and possibly a former altar boy and a UNO Card Game enthusiast Jeffrey hates the New Orleans Hornets. He hates them because they had Faith and Family Night at the game last night or at least he apparently used Faith and Family Night to dis our local NBA team. Well slam dunk my ass!

It was a night for all Christians of every faith, creed, color and sexual oralentation to come together and yell at the cock sucking referees to go fuck themselves because of a fowl called on Hornet's point guard Chris Paul or accuse my friend, Hornet's center Chris Chandler of a fucking lane violation. Even my racist (but Christian) cousin Little Bubba, was sitting in section 320 cheering on our team, that is until he was ejected from the arena during a time out in the 2nd quarter for whacking his meat off to them Hornets Honeybees, who are sort of like the Laker Girls but with tattoos that have spelling errors.

Nevertheless, prior to his ejection, even Little Bubba who hates African Americans (the black ones) was able and cheer on the Hornets who are mostly African Americans…that is, the black ones, who are all of them except for some Pollock or something. Perhaps had he cheered a bit less for the Hornets Honeybees, he would have seen our team kick ass on the Portland Trailblazers.

But anyway, here’s the shit and you know I wouldn’t shit you. It is chic to be anti Christian but it is not chic to hate Jews, blacks, Arabs, gays or NPR.

It was Faith and Family Night you dumb fucking douche bag. Not “Christian Night”! True, there was a Christian rock Group there but that was a coincidence. Oh, yeah, we were asked what religion we were as we went through security, Jews, Buddhists, Hindus (or is that Hindi?) Muslims, Atheists, Agnostics, The Confused and Catholics were politely turned away. Big fucking deal! Anyone sporting a Nazi Tattoo received a free crucifix. Don’t get excited, it wasn’t Jesus on the cross, but Obama.

OK, so Faith and Family Night may have a few idiosyncrasies but we won the game so who gives a shit?

Look shit brains, this is the team whose owner, George Shinn has done so much for the community such as spending time and money constructing new homes for Katrina victims, donating money to facilities such as Children’s Hospital and exposing the good side of New Orleans, one of the dumbest and culturally fucked up crime ridden cities in the county but nevertheless, Mr. Shinn has made a large investment in New Orleans. Sure, there are rumors that he tried to get some bimbo to sit on his face back in Charlotte but that was never proven. So what if it was true. Christians, both male and female eat pussy. Besides, who am I to judge Mr. Shinn? If I had a nickel for every time I made that same request, well.... I would be rich I tell you……..RICH RICH RICH….RICH as a pussy licking owner of a fucking NBA team you bunch of dumb mother fucking hate mongrels!

Anyway, why is it so chic to hate Christians? The fact is it really makes one look pretty fucking stupid, sort of like my cousin, Little Bubba. The stupid ass thing about Little Bubba is that he is friends with the African American (who is black) who has the seat right below him in section 320….well they were friends up until last night when Little Bubba shot his load on to the back of the African American’s (who is black) head.

So why would Jeffrey feel such a need to voice such hatred for an organization that has given so much to New Orleans? It ain’t like we have Faith and Family night every night. Who pray tell that walks among us has faith every night and can tolerate their family every night? Fuck, not me for Christ’s sake! Neither does the New Orleans Hornets. Do you have any idea how much it would cost for each Hornet player to fly in all their illigitimate fucking kids in for each fucking game???? Even on their salaries, you talking a shitload of money.

Besides in a few weeks we gonna have Jew Night. All concessions for that night will be doubled in price but haggling is encouraged. Taking the place of overpriced nachos will be very, very, vey overpriced chicken soup.

Than there is Muslim Night. I am personally looking forward to this one. The first 200 fans who show up with a towel on their head will receive a free camel ride courtesy of the Audubon Zoo. I have been assured that additional security will be present for Muslim Night.

There was going to be Gypsy night but no one would show up because the fucking Gypsies would give away the ending. Now that is what “I” hate!

Also failing to make the cut this year was KKK night. Seems like they have a problem with all them African Americans (just the black ones) running up and down the court all night. They also weren’t thrilled with Jew night not to mention they are a bit busy trying to find a more pleasant way of dealing with KKK University drop outs.

Jeffrey, here’s some advice. Quit hating shit. Also, you need to get some sort of life outside of this fucking blog world and get away from all these self proclaimed know it alls. Don’t they sort of annoy you? Hell, you and me…we just like them. Annoying. Nothing wrong with be annoying no matter what my fucking wife, kids, neighbors, mother, father, sisters, aunts, uncles, every fucking one of my in-laws, WWL radio talk show caller screeners, my Hornets season ticket holder seat mates, the New Orleans Province of the Society of Jesus, The little Sisters of the Poor (Yeah, sure, like they ain’t ever seen a penis before, give me a fucking break) among a few others might say.

Jeffrey, look if you want, I can hook you up with a real nice looking girl, black or white, even a Chinese or Korean or Jap; oh hell, them Orientals are all the same, interchangeable so no need to give me a specific request, just say oriental. Keep in mind, the lack of seeping sores will cost more but hell, I will make sure she is not Christian. Am I a good guy or what? So if you interested, give me a shout and just chill out dude, them Christians ain’t gonna hurt you, I swear on the head of the sweet baby Jesus. Halleluiah!!!!!!!!!!

New Orleans Deserves What it Gets

2008-11-07T12:57:00.003-06:00

Well, that title may be a bit too harsh. The City of New Orleans is awesome…….it’s the people who live there who are dumb fucks. OK, so that may be a bit of a broad statement. Allow me to correct that. Most are dumb fucks and whiners; that’s better. Changed the my implied “all” to “most” but got to add in “whiners”….good trade off.

The Hornets entered the Hive on Wednesday night undefeated and chosen by many as a possible NBA champion this year. The attendance? 16,030. Well, if they sold 16,030 tickets, at least 7,000 stayed home. You say well that’s not bad for the Hornets because they got the money for 16,030 tickets! Well, that is why you are a dumb fuck because Hornets also count on concessions and parking. No shows translate into no after ticket revenue. But you don’t care do you?

But wait a fucking second. New Orleans drew 16,030 and had won 3 games and loss none! Portland played at home last night in front of 20,611 fans. There record going into last night’s game was 1 win and 3 losses. They won the game on a long jump shot with less than a second to go. There fans cheered their team to victory over the Houston Rockets and was rewarded with a breath taking finish. Bit you don’t care, do you?

It is clear that the majority of the fans attending the games in the New Orleans Arena (Hive) do not live in the city of New Orleans. No matter, the fans who are there are cheering for one of the best teams in the NBA, a team that is destined to move at some point. Who doesn’t have an NBA team? San Diego, Nashville, Jacksonville, St. Louis, Seattle, Cincinnati….you get the picture dumb ass?

When George Shinn pulls HIS team out of New Orleans, the same old big mouth bloggers along with the rest of the whiners in New Orleans will crucify him for stabbing their wonderful city in the back. Schwinn will be labeled a traitor, a no good outsider and if Ashley Morris was alive, a “fucktoid”.

Here’s a message morons, Shinn will pull “HIS” team out because New Orleans didn’t make The Hornets “THEIR” team. What a shame.

Obama the Faith Healer????????

2008-11-05T09:25:00.007-06:00

Unlike my esteem but dumb ass colleagues, I have never been a fan of Barack Obama. I saw so many idiots smiling as tears roll down their faces because Obama would say something like "YES WE CAN". Shit, I went through my entire high school life hearing the massage from my mother, my teachers and every hot girl with a fresh smelling pussy, "NO YOU CAN'T". Don't get me wrong, I did OK (but not until my senior year, not my sophomore year like I told all my buddies.....both of them). But any bitch who would fuck me was in no way impressing me. Frankly, I had to seriously question her judgment.

I wanted the best, the elite, the mother fucking bitch who would make my young weenie think it had died and fell off of it's moronic owner and landed in heaven. That's the girl I wanted. FUCK FUCK FUCK!

Because of those words from so many "NO YOU CAN'T", for years I have thought I was eternally mentally scarred. But perhaps I was wrong. I may have misdiagnosed one big long lasting fucking scab for an emotional scar. Allow me to elaborate.

My support for Obama was nothing more than a default vote because while John McCain has the balls of superman and suffered through shit that I cannot imagine, he just could not be the next president of the United States. Sarah Palin was an idiotic choice and a confirmation of McCain's bad judgment reminiscent of George W. Bush and whom he surrounded himself with during the last 8 years. Whom would McCain pick as advisers? Paris Hilton, Pam from "the Office" (Jesus, you wouldn't believe how many years I would shorten my life by to have the opportunity to do Pam....Jesus fucking Christ!!!!!).

It was just not Palin. There was something not quite right about John McCain. He appeared to be a bit senile and I mean no disrespect by that. My grandma is senile and I think the world of her but when I visit her, I steal all the loose change that I find laying around the house. So, there is no way we can have a president that is senile or on the verge of senility because Hawaii is sort of like loose change, just laying out there.

Last night, Obama spoke. His manner, his tone, his sincerity struck me and pulled that fucking scab right off. I don't know why but he impressed me and I believed what he said. This was not the typical John Kerry bull shit or the bull shit you hear from every loser. I will say, McCain's speech was not bad but Obama was magnificent not because of what he said but because he delivered a whole bunch of words that, when put together were truly inspirational and transmitted a message of sincere positivity.

He may not be a modern day fucking Messiah, but somehow last night he gained more than my default vote, he gained my respect and perhaps healed my faith. Faith healer????????????

Erection Day aka Election Day aka Orgasm Day

2008-11-04T09:14:00.007-06:00

It's here. Finally the day Obamanites have their orgasm after nearly a year of foreplay.

There's not much to like about Barrack Obama. He has the charm of a snake charmer and baggage that apparently got lost just like the fucking airlines do to me every 2 or 3 months. He is without a doubt a present day Jesus Christ although some would argue a modern day Prophet Mohammad.

The fact is, over the next 4 years, Barrack Obama will become the most hated black man in this country. It won't be by the crackers but by the brothers and sisters. He will be the first president of this country to be addressed by many blacks as "nigger". They won't try to kill him though. Any attempts on taking the life of Obama will be by a white fucking Christian male between the ages of late 20s to early 40s. Jesus I hope I am wrong.

Of course this scenario hinges on exactly how many whites actually walk the fucking walk after talking the fucking talk when casting their votes. This (my) paranoia and lack of faith in people allows me to believe that all them fucking liberals who insulate themselves from blacks by living in predominately white neighborhoods and sending their little fucking annoying monsters to private schools will find it difficult to vote for a person of color.

The nut jobs in Louisina proved that about 5 years ago when they chose Kathleen Blanco, an amazingly stupid cunt over Bobby Jindal for Governor of Louisiana because his parents rode elephants to work in India and provided tech support for Dell Computer.

With this said........here are whom I am voting for in Louisiana:

For President: Barrack Obama I don't care for this guy but John McCain has shown how fucking stupid he is by picking a hot fucking bimbo for a running mate. If elected, McCain will rival George W. Bush for the title of worse president in the history of thus country.

For The U.S. Senate : Mary Landrieu She is possibly the most asexual woman I have ever seen and yes; have met and this is from a guy who has done himself while watching The View (But only when Barbara Walters was on.)

The other races I don't give a shit about but I will say anyone voting for District Attorney for the City of New Orleans, no matter who you vote for, you will vomit within 5 minutes after casting your vote. I would suggest voting against the white guy who trotted out a black guy in his TV political ads. That's fucking insulting to every human being, both white and especially black. The rest of you (other races) don't count because frankly, you all are much smarter than us white and black folks.

OK, I am fucking done.

Saints Season Has Ended - Hornets Begin

2008-10-27T16:16:00.003-05:00

Bad teams win football games by kicking the longest field goal in the fucking universe are just blowing a gigantic lead and having to run backwards to take a safety because they are to fuck chicken shit to just punt the ball.

The Saints' season is over. UNDERSTAND? O - V - E - R Forget about yesterday's game. San Diego is another over hyped underachieving NFL team.

And let's face it. Compare the history of the New Orleans Saints to any professional franchise ever and you will see that no team can match this team its march of mediocrity, only briefly interrupted just twice in the history of this "challenged" franchise. It took them 20 fucking years to have a 50-50 season. Changed coaches, changed owners, changed cities (for one year)....perhaps it's the stupid name. Saints?????? I understand the name "Voodoo" is available. (Exactly how lame is arena football????) Good riddance!

So here's the deal and it's truly the real ducking deal. The New Orleans Hornets open their season this Wednesday in San Francisco against the Warriors. Don't be surprised if they come home with an 0 & 2 record to play their first home game in the New Orleans arena for the 2008-2009 season. West coast road trips are never easy in the NBA. No matter, they will kick fucking serious ass this year.

Now here's the fucking deal. Get your ass over their Saturday night and welcome them home and see them tip off their season at home against LeBron James and the Cleveland Cavaliers. If you have never seen a Hornets game, then you need to go. It is an all out loud, fucking kick ass party and you will leave hoarse and exhausted since you will be drawn into the game.

No excuses my fellow local bloggers. If you want to really help out New Orleans, then join your neighbors from Metairie, Harahan, Destrehan, Gretna, Harvey, Marrero, Slidell, Mandeville, Covington, Bay St. Louis; etc. for the best party in town. Here day come, here day come, here day come……………

Who Dat???????

2008-10-22T16:43:00.004-05:00

Dat were me. If you were at the New Orleans Hornets game last night and saw this tall good looking hunk chatting and laughing with Hornet's center Tyson Chandler at center court during the pre game warmups, then you finally got to see me.

Hot, aren't I?

Joe The Fucking Plumber

2008-10-16T09:24:00.002-05:00

Joe is my fucking plumber. He smells bad. Guess he crawls around in shit all day. That was his choice. Joe the Plummer says he can fix my leak. Joe the Plummer's butt crack is clearly visible. I think Joe the Plummer wears a purple thong. The fuck is here 30 minutes and says he fixed my leaking shit pot. Most of those 30 minutes Joe the Plummer was taking calls on his cell phone from customers and Randall the Real Estate Manager, the guy who manages Joe the Plummer's rental properties. Says leak is fixed. $150. Thank you Joe the Plummer.

Two days after Joe the Plummer fixed the leak, it leaks again. I call Joe the Plummer’s phone. Josephine the Secretary aka Joe's the Plummer's wife answers the phone. Josephine the Secretary takes my message. Next day, Joe the Plummer calls back. Joe the Plummer can't come back until next week. Joe the Plummer's mother, Jane the Dead Mother kicked off and they have to bury her and shit. So my leak goes on.

Four days later, Joe the Plummer comes back. Says this is a new problem. Fixes the new problem. The fuck is here 30 minutes again and says he fixed my leaking shit pot again. Most of those 30 minutes Joe the Plummer was taking calls on his cell phone from customers and Jason the Real Estate Manager, the guy who manages Joe the Plummer's rental properties. Says leak is fixed. $150. Thank you Joe the Plummer.

Two days after Joe the Plummer fixed the leak, it leaks again. I call Joe the Plummer’s phone. Josephine the Secretary aka Joe's the Plummer's wife answers the...................

Next post; my story about Coleen the Colon Cleaner.

What, Me Worry? You're God Damn Right

2008-10-13T16:51:00.003-05:00

You know, I fuck around a lot and sometimes I like to see how pissed off I can make somebody.... that is the nature of what I am doing here....(says a lot about my fucking life I suppose). But actually, this post is not meant to draw a chuckle, a sneer or any throngs of agreements or disagreements. It's about this election and what I am seeing.

Who are these mother fuckers at McCain rallies who are going fucking out of their minds? I assure you, if Obama was white, this furor; these hysterics would not be taking place. What really worries me and I am being as fucking honest and sincere as I can be is the safety of Barack Obama.

If he wasn't black, I would not worry but I have never seen such anger as I have seen on the news over the last week and as Obama's lead widens, so grows the anger and bitterness.

You know, I can't do shit about this but if something happens to him by the hands of anyone who is disenchanted with him, regardless for whatever reason, it should be you, the cancer of our society that must be removed, not the man whose policies you supposedly disagree with but for your hatred because his skin is of a different color than yours.

Make no mistake, the outrage that has begun at the McCain rallies is rooted in racism, not ideology. If these people do the unthinkable, the United States of America will forever languish in a state of disgrace; contradicting everything we should stand for.

No chuckles from this post? Fuck it. Worry with me, not about me.

Public Service, That's What I'm About!

2008-10-06T09:18:00.019-05:00

One of my closest friends, the Huckster still cannot afford a TV set and therefore, his kids are deprived. I have considered reporting this to Children Services but since me and him are so close, I just don’t have the heart.

It does bother me that his kids are missing so much educational material so every now and then I post something that may help his kids; along with other cheap ass fathers who won’t by a T.V.

The following are things I learned over the last few months by watching The Discovery Channel, The Science Channel, The Learning Channel and The History Channel.

Barbie's measurements (if she were life-size): 39-23-33

First novel ever written on a typewriter was "Tom Sawyer".

There is no Main St. in the entire State of Maine because everyone in
Maine thinks Main St. is spelled incorrectly.

We know of the Nina, the Pinta and the Santa Maria but little is known about Columbus’s 4th ship, the Curly which after it sunk, was replaced by the Shemp.

Pop Corn is the most popular snack in movie theatres followed by pop broccoli.

The Hawaiian alphabet has 12 letters.

Hawaii became the 50th U.S. State so that the title of the TV show, Hawaii 5-0 made sense.

State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska.

Alaska was the 49th U.S. State and ironically, when admitted, had a total population of 49 people.

Turn signals for automobiles became available in 1939. Prior to the turn signal, drivers had to use hand signals. Drivers who had their left arm amputated had to stick their heads out of the window and shout out the direction in which they were turning.

Elevators are responsible for an average of 12 deaths a day.

The great escape artist Houdini ran late for a lot of his shows because he would always lock himself out of his dressing room.

If you choke a smurf, he turns teal.

According to Martha Stewart, for the best sour cream, allow it to sit out in the heat for a week prior to using.

In Rhode Island, it is against the law to shoot a mime unless you use a silencer.

Before “sliced bread”, the “best thing since” was “sliced jello”.

They have square watermelons in Japan because they stack better.

In the state of Wyoming, it is against the law for hunters to make their own deer crossing sign to lure deer.

The youngest pope was 11 years old

In WWII, to keep worker’s compensation insurance premiums down, Japanese commanders required all kamikaze pilots to wear seatbelts and helmets.

Styrofoam manufacturers use broken glass as padding to ship their product.

The U.S. Government has given a 2 million dollar grant to Professor Erik Von Dougenfouth to find another word for “thesaurus”.

Back in the early 19th century, missionaries in Africa claimed to be "stand-up comics" in hopes that Cannibals would not eat them because Cannibals would think that they taste funny.

In Israel, to merge in the stupid kids with bad grammar in classes of smart kids, the State is considering enacting a new language called “Zionics”.

Living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of going to the gynecologist.

Best Blog Post of the Week

2008-10-04T12:53:00.002-05:00

My future second wife, Dorkie-She who works the front desk at a hotel somewhere over on the West Coast posted the following on 10/2/08. So short, so simplistic and yet, so powerful. The post was as follows:

Do not, DO NOT, call the front desk after watching and hour and forty-five minutes of 'Co-Ed Butt Sex' and then ask for a refund.

You didn't get your jolly's off? Call your doctor. Not me.K? Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanks.

The Voodoo Music Experience - 10th Ritual

2008-10-03T08:51:00.010-05:00

The Voodoo Music Experience's 10th Ritual takes place in New Orleans October 24, 25 & 26th. (Fri., Sat. & Sun.)

Now I love this festival but missing from the advertised headliners is Marc Broussard. Yeah, he’s playing Saturday but he is not shown as a headliner. So, why include some "has beens" and some "never should have beens" when you got a hot ticket like Broussard? This Louisiana dude deserves better from us.

This is what we here in Louisiana call Swamp Music. Enjoy.

(I hope you have a decent speaker system on your puter because if not, you will really lose the impact of this performance.)
Marc Broussard - Home

The 2nd Best The Best of The Best Could Find

2008-10-02T09:16:00.003-05:00

As wonderful as my life seems some of the time, I just sit back and marvel at how much better it gets. Like the opportunity tonight to watch Sara Palin and see how quick of a “learn” this bimbo is. Rumor has it she can name all 50 U.S. States now. But I am not that sure she will even show up as I shall explain if you just have some fucking patience and read on.

Then we have the long winded Joe Biden aka “The Gaffe Machine” whom in addition to his uncontrollable rambles, ran for president 20 years ago but had to abandon his campaign when it was discovered that he had plagiarized speeches from some fucking British politician with bad teeth; substituting in bullshit to make the speech sound like his experiences and views.

It is my belief that there are so many Palin look-a-likes out there that we will not see the real Sara Palin tonight, but some comedienne who cannot help but know more about our economy and foreign affairs than our hot little “bushwhacker”. (She may be stupid but I wouldn’t mind whacking her bush. I wonder if she has a bush or does she shave it clean. I am getting aroused. I shall continue this later this morning.)

Whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack.

Slight pause.

Whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack.

Slight pause.

Whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack ………whack…………… whack whack……. whack whack……….. whack. Squirt.. squirt..squirt…….squirt……….ooooooze.

OK Ok, I’m back. Now although I am sure Sara Palin will not show up, I do believe Joe will. I mean he gets a chance to talk. And when Joe talks……… this guy is a fucking riot. During the primaries when everybody ignored him, he summed up fellow candidate Barrack Obama by saying “I mean, you got the first mainstream African American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy.”

Last summer Biden attempted to endear himself to an Indian American supporter by telling him that in Delaware, “you cannot go to a 7-Eleven or a Dunkin’ Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent.”

Now I know what he said was racist but for the life on me, I still don’t know what in the fuck this jerk off was trying to say. Frankly, since I am not from India or have any American Injun blood in me, I don’t give a flying fuck.

Anyways, I cannot wait for tonight. For you miserable cheap bastards who don’t have HD yet, how can you not watch this in its entire wide screen pixel splendor? I cannot wait to see these 2 idiots whom the “best of our best” chose for running mates

Ear Mark? FUCK, EAR ACHE!

2008-10-01T16:52:00.007-05:00

I will not go into detail but fuck fuck fuck!

New Tax earmarks in the new, improved Bailout bill:

Film and Television Productions (Sec. 502)
Wooden Arrows designed for use by children (Sec. 503)
6 page package of earmarks for litigants in the 1989 Exxon Valdez incident, Alaska (Sec. 504)
Battery powered dildos (Sec. 69)

Tax earmark “extenders” in the new, improved bailout bill:

Virgin Island and Puerto Rican Rum (Section 308)
American Samoa (Sec. 309)
Mine Rescue Teams (Sec. 310)
Mine Safety Equipment (Sec. 311)
Domestic Production Activities in Puerto Rico (Sec. 312)
Indian Tribes (Sec. 314, 315)
Railroads (Sec. 316)
Auto Racing Tracks (317)
District of Columbia (Sec. 322)
Wool Research (Sec. 325)
Hair plugging (Sec. unknown....but we think it may have been added by Biden.)

The blame for this bullshit is again bipartisan. FUCK! You want a bail out. Well, this is what we get. FUCK ME AND THE SWEET BABY JESUS!

DE BAIT

2008-10-01T11:21:00.012-05:00

The word debate is taken from the French phrase De bait meaning outwit the nitwit. The terminology caught on in the U.S. after we beat the Brits (rhymes with "nits & "wits") in the revolutionary war.

The problem with our debating (de baiting) system is that it bores the shit out of people so they watch one of the 7 or 8 Law & Order reruns on a cable channel while the 2 nitwits avoid answering questions. I have proposed a solution to this problem back in Nov. of 07. Here am it again...( I used that bad grammar for that cock sucking grammarian who had the gall to knit pick my post yesterday. Fuck you and next time you post a comment, make sure it links back to something so I can hunt you down you filthy prick.)

Anyway.....here's how we should run our debates. Take your pick.

The first thing is, no more voting. We have done enough damage to ourselves. Instead, allow the debate to determine who our next leader will be. Here’s how other countries do it.

The Hard Ten Debate is popular among many tribes throughout Mongolia and has even spread to some parts of Northern China where it is known as Chit Oyn U. It's contested on a points system where the points are earned for the use of weapons such as guns, knives, bow and arrows, sling shots, spears and baseball bats. Corked bats are prohibited. The first candidate to earn 10 points and be up by at least 2 points wins. Regular strikes with a weapon are worth 1 point, while putting your opponent through a table is worth 5 points. It should be noted that, unlike the old “Table Debates”, a candidate simply moving out of the way thus allowing an opponent to accidentally put himself or herself through a table WILL result in 5 points.

The Inferno Debate, popular among Muslim Samoan’s who were sent into exile and settled on the banks of the Amazon just south of Madeira, is a debate which takes place with a stage surrounded by fire coming from gas fed pipes. The debate ends when one candidate is able to set the other candidate or an article of clothing that the other candidate is wearing on fire.

The Human Torch Debate is believed to have been derived from the exiled Muslim Samoans' Inferno Debate. Founded in Liechtenstein, The Human Torch Debate was also ended when one candidate set the other on fire, but unlike The Inferno Debate, it did not have flames surrounding the stage. This of course led to the “debate” spilling over outside and into parking lots. In 1977, a debate turned tragic when it spilled out to a parking lot and a candidate was run over by a car. Because of this, The Human Torch Debate was suspended for safety issues and replaced by the Schann Chainsaw Debates.

OK, that's it. Anyone who finds a mistake in this, for God's sake, email it to me motherfucker, don't point that shit out on my blog fuck head!

Words of Dumbden

2008-09-30T09:11:00.003-05:00

Regarding the fucking mess on Wall St. (By the way assholes, Wall St. is a street in America, not it’s own little fucking world you morons.)

This blogger who calls himself Schroeder (is that German?) commented on my previous post:

"It's a sign of how far off course the current crop of Republicans in D.C. are -- with few exceptions."

That's one dumb ass fucking statement and should disqualify anyone who thinks this from breathing. FUCK FUCK FUCK! Thievery, larceny, bribery, back rooms deals, pimping, rape, etc. is bipartisan. If you don’t see that then you are a fucking uninformed unadulterated lunatic.

OK, I know what you may be thinking. I have gone "soft". Yes, it is true, I am attempting to become kinder and gentler.

Oh, one more thing. The lovely Dorkie-She also commented that she was relieved to see my Obama endorsement. What the fuck????? Shut the fuck up and just send me a naked picture of yourself so I may "relieve" myself. Send to: drivebyblogger@yahoo.com

McCain Shows Up

2008-09-28T16:15:00.009-05:00

OK, so the old fart did show up and did fairly well in the debate Friday night. But.....he had to hear all the shit about cancelling before showing up. That's a crock of shit. You have to go on what his instincts were. His initial instinct was not to show up.

Oh I know, his advisers told him to do it that way. What the fuck???? Then he needs to fire them and do the right thing god damn it. You don't listen to clueless morons over and over.

Look, I got a few comments from folks who don't comment because they don't like the way I say shit and for that matter, what I say but now that I am endorsing and voting for Obama, I am being "congratulated". Well fuck me in the ear mother fuckers.

Let's get this straight. We (me and all us lame bloggers) do agree that we want a rich, safe and happy life. (A little nookie on the side wouldn't hurt either.) I want this for myself no matter what it may cost someone else. But I am not having chronic orgasms over Obama. I don't like him, I don't trust him and his experience is lacking in some key areas but that will not matter. He will have advisers with some common sense and an idea as to not what to do that is fucking stupid. I cannot say that for McCain. He must have gotten his advisors from the same agency Bush got his..."Advisers on The Cheap".

McCain has proven to be stupid on 3 critical decisions in a four week period. Palin, Letterman and acting like the world would end if he participated in a 90 minute debate. The operative word there is "CRITICAL". That's my problem with him. He may be a decent guy but his decision making is not what you want in a president. He may have been imprisoned but so what? So have the majority of my family. Trust me, you wouldn't want anyone from my fucking gene pool leading this country. Like I said the other day, how impaired is your judgment when you stay in prison because others are not being freed? Don't fucking turn this country (and me) into a bunch of fucking heros. The current asshole did that and look at the fucking mess we are in.

Look dummies, my thinking is I'm gonna get it in the ass either way but with Obama, at least he will fuck me honestly and with compassion. McCain will rape me incompetently just as Bush has. That's a big difference. If you gonna take my money, then give it to some poor fucks, not some rick cock suckers. Today we are like "socialism on steroids". If we have socialism, then it must be controlled and contrived.

And if there is one fuck head out there who will vote for McCain only because Obama is black, then you will get what you deserve, a clone of the moron we currently have. The only problem is with that you rotten piece of maggot shit is that I have to suffer because of your fucked up reason for voting for McCain. Please don't be stupider than you already are. I will hunt you down like a fucking dog.

Reason it out you racists pieces of shit. You pay major bucks to praise New Orleans Saints running back Deuce McAllister. You fall over the rails in the New Orleans arena to cheer on Chris Paul of the New Orleans Hornets. Uh,......dumb asses, they are black.

Wake up assholes! You can do the right thing and vote for the right person rather than vote against someone because they are black.

I know these are not the 2 best people we have to choose from for president. If they are, then we are fucked forever. But this is what's left over. Pick the one who will least remind you of Bush. How fucking hard can that be?

OK OK OK, I am done with all this bull shit except for one more thing. I am endorsing the re-election of Mary Landrieu for the U.S. Senate and yes I know, she is not hot and no, I would not do her.

Ok, now I am really done. I am sounding too much like my future bother-in-law, Ursta.

Presidential Endorsement

2008-09-26T09:39:00.005-05:00

John McCain lacks fucking common sense. Did he think that cancelling his appearance on Letterman Wednesday just an hour before show time was OK? He said he had to hurry to D.C. to save the country because millionaires were about to lose some money.

OK OK OK, I understand that all of us will be affected by a collapse of financial intuitions on Wall St. I am not as fucking stupid as most people in America. But that's not my point. Fuck, anyone who knows me knows I am brilliant. My point is McCain's “impaired judgment”.

He tells Letterman he can't make it, goes across the street from the Ed Sullivan theatre where Letterman's show originates from and does an interview with CBS Nightly New hostess Catty Couric. Then the stupid ass spends the night in downtown Manhattan and leaves for D.C. the following morning. FUCK FUCK FUCK. Is there something wrong with this “presidential candidate”? What did he think was going to happen? Where is this asshole's judgment?

Then there is the debate tonight in Oxford. He's says he won't show until the economy is fixed. Well shit, I will be fucking graveyard dead by then you fuck head. And exactly what does he think the citizens of this country who are by and large, mentally challenged, think of this? FUCK FUCK FUCK. Again, a question of judgment.

Sara Palin. This bitch says she does have experience in the category of foreign affairs since Alaska borders Canada and Russia is a few miles to her west. What the fuck????????? (Actually she makes a point. My neighbors are assholes and I have experience on a daily basis with these assholes.)

Look, McCain proved to us his impaired judgment when he had a chance to get out of that POW camp in Nam but chose to stay because the other POWS would not be release. Fuck; had it been me, not only would I have gotten my sorry fucking ass out of there, if offered, I would have traded places with my mother, kids, you, etc, to get out of that hell hole.

The choice is inevitable. I must support Obama since this country has again given us a choice of 2 individuals who suck. I have to go with the one who is less sucky. FUCK FUCK FUCK!

So it is with a heavy heart that I endorse Barrack Obama for President of The United States. I will leave my McCain countdown clock on just as a reminder to you that you do not want to be in a position to watch this clock on and after January 20, 2009.

My Erotic Poem Deadicated to Zu Zu

2008-09-21T12:16:00.004-05:00

OK, I was suppose to do this Friday so I put this together on a fly because ZuZu wanted me to put sometning together. Enjoy!

my face is only inches

from yours

so close

that your lips tremble

in anticipation

so close

that my breath

warms your cheek

the tip of my tongue

lightly licks your lips and

they part expectantly

but I tease with a

nip of my teeth and

so my heart is in your throat (in addition to something else...squirt squirt squirt)

pulsing with hot, red blood

as you gasp with the

unexpected thrill of

pleasure and pain

sensually my lips continue to

explore yours (after suirt squirt squirt? OMG!)

with tantilizingly rapid thrusts

and more nips of pleasure/pain

that you begin to crave

finally, finally

my tongue slips between

your lips into your mouth

where my passion

meets

your desire

Squirt Squirt Squirt!

A REBUTT TO URSTA'S "What do you think this car runs on... God's own methane?"

2008-09-17T11:07:00.007-05:00

This was suppose to be a comment that I was gonna leave on Ursta's post about God having gas, about dinosaurs and about shit I didn't understand because he was not clear.

Anyway, one of the comments regarding this post was by someone named Editilla. This was even more harder to understand. He states and I quote:

Editilla commented "Everyone is going to Europe. The fractal resonance of '33. The Wave is Running back to the other shore. Irony there, eh? "

He continues: "As for Mrs. Nomer...(I can't stands to even vixualize her loud'speaker voice)(so she gets nothing but nicked names)... I refer to her now as "Addington's Cur", and that's putting it nicely for Editilla."

What the fuck?????? Fuck, maybe it is time to revisit the 1st amendment. Let me set everyone straight.

First of all, if fucking dinosaurs and people existed in harmony, then why hasn't John McCain verified this with his personal eye witness accounts.

Second, dinosaurs and people DID NOT EXIST in fucking harmony. I have seen too many movies to know this and no no no! You dumb shits; you cannot count the Flintstones because that was a cartoon. And the movie sucked and it wasn't real.

As for oil, we should nationalize our oil reserves instead of being a whore and selling off land for pennies on the dollar to the oil giants. Then we drill drill drill. We drill everywhere, every minute. You got oil in your back yard? Remove that white trash above ground pool and make way for a pump jack. (Hmmm, I think I have one of those hidden under the bed).

As for polar bears, put them in fucking zoos where they belong because if you don't, I won't see them anyway.

OK, that was a great post and I almost wasted it as a fucking comment on Ursta's thing.

Must See TV

2008-09-14T17:15:00.004-05:00

What's New This Fall on must see TV?

New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin will be a contestant on NBC's last comic standing.

Louisiana Congressman William Jefferson will be in an updated version of "All in The Family".

Mandeville, LA Mayor Eddie Price will participate in the new reality show, Rehab Celebs Demolition Derby.

This just in....another Drive-by scoop: In fairness to Sarah Palin, Joe Biden will not debate Sarah Palin but instead, Barack Obama will represent the Demo's ticket to better even the playing field.

I respect that Obama. Always the true gentleman.

ACLU Cleaning Up The Roads

2008-09-12T11:01:00.003-05:00

According to my sources in El Paso, Texas, the ACLU is planning to sue the State of New Mexico’s Dept. of Highways for allowing people to place crosses as a memorial on any government highway, avenue, street, road, etc; where their loved ones died in automobile accidents. This will be a “test case” and if successful, the ACLU will begin to put the other 49 states on immediate notice.

Sally Brumfield, the assistant secretary of the New Mexico ACLU chapter suggests and encourages surviving family members and friends to refrain from placing a Christian symbol where their loved ones were killed but instead, out of respect for drivers of all faiths, place a simple square sign at the spot of the accident with the name of the deceased along with the caption “Oooops!”.

9/11

2008-09-11T12:05:00.001-05:00

What else is there to say but..... 9/11

Thank You My Fellow Americans

2008-09-09T09:57:00.004-05:00

Well what a bunch of insensitive mother fuckers. Here I am out money for a "mandatory" evacuation because of Gustav, and not one single fucking cent has been given to me by anyone. Fuck you. May your next off spurt be a retard like that Palin kid. May your teenage daughter get pregnant like that Palin's kid. What a fucking joke. I wonder if she will whip out her tit and start feeding that re-tard in the senate. No way she should be elected.

OK OK OK, where was I? Oh yeah, not one of you compassionate hypocrites will ante up to help pay my hurricane evacuation expenses. Last time I got enough handouts from the federal and state governments to buy me an HD TV! FUCK!!!

To compound my financial hardship, I make too much money to get food stamps from the state of Louisiana to replace the food I lost because of the power outage. I bet if I had a re-tard kid like that Palin bitch, I would be showered with stuff. Well too bad for me. FUCK!

Back and Apparently Fucked

2008-09-08T11:31:00.005-05:00

OK OK OK, so that fucking Gustav was a pussy and wimped out saving our sorry asses here in New Orleans. Yeah, it did kick ass down in Terrebonne Parish but like... I don't live there so what the fuck do I care? But I am still pissed!

Fucking FEMA is a fucking joke. I heard with all my ears that these fucks were gonna pay my hotel bill since I was forced to evacuate. So of course, when I heard this, I checked out of my $70 a night hotel in Houston and headed over to the Four Seasons across town. Great digs. Got me a suite at $375 a night. Plasma HD, Jacuzzi, room service and wi fi so I can live the life to which I am accustomed and of course deserve.

Now the mother fuckers at FEMA says no, they won't pay for hotels. So here we go again....fuck over those of us who live in Louisiana.

Fuck you. Do you really think I would go to a free shelter with the likes of what usually end up there? Fuck you. Now I am having to go to private agencies to have my bills covered. What a fucking joke. FEMA must go.

Anyways, anybody who would like to assist me with my losses because of Hurricane Gustav, please e-mail me at drivebyblogger@yahoo.com

Any and all donations to help cover my expenses would be greatly appreciated. However, just don't email me with how sorry you are and shit because frankly, I don't care nor do I want your pity; just some of your money. Thanks

New Orleans, Gustav, Fuck Fuck Fuck

2008-08-30T10:30:00.003-05:00

Don't Ejaculate, Evacuate

2008-08-29T16:07:00.004-05:00

While most of my reptilian colleagues continue to ooze cum over Obama and that exciting convention that ended the other night, I wish to make a suggestion.

SHUT THE FUCK UP AND EVACUATE.

This ain't to be fucked with and even though most of you all make me sick, I wish you all only the best. If you have any 2nd thoughts, then perhaps you should read this.

Gustav May Overwhelm New Orleans Defenses, Experts Say

Good luck to all and I hope to see your whining asses real soon, both safe and sound.

Beijing Olympics Report No.14

2008-08-27T10:59:00.003-05:00

My first report covering the Beijing Olympics for Blog America will run next week. I have decided to run it here first.

I know how sick in tired people got watching fucking volleyball, people running around in circles and young girls bouncing around on apparati (Hell, was that a pedophile’s dream come true?) and people riding bikes.

With the exception of women’s beach volleyball, NBC showed hours of crap. I in turn sought out the real entertainment of what the Olympics had to offer.

My first offering is that of the art of Aba Daba Brouhaha, an ancient team sport which began in Eastern Europe to celebrate the summer solstice and for some reason, has never spread much further outside of Eastern Europe explaining the dominance of this sport by such countries as Romania, this years gold medal winner.

This sport combines acrobatic feats while demonstrating marksmanship skills among other physical attributes.

Here is exclusive video of the 2008 Olympian Gold Medalists’ Aba Daba Brouhaha routine by the team from Romania.

Back From My Assignment

2008-08-25T22:47:00.003-05:00

As some of you know, I've been over in Beijing covering the Olympics for Blog America. The jet lag really sucks. I keep thinking it's 1997, the same year the Chinese girls gymnastic team were born. Now that's jet lag and one hell of a coincidence.

Anyway, I will be editing footage of events not shown on that Pee Cock station with all them annoying event analysts that just made you want to put a fucking gun in your mouth.

But on the fly, I want to give a shout out to the new New Orleans Hornets look and tell you people to get your asses over to their games. November ain't that far off and it's the best show in town.

Check it out.

New Orleans Hornets

Somebody Please Help.....This is Driving Me Nuts!

2008-08-01T09:29:00.005-05:00

Jesus fucking Christ, this reminds me of someone but I just can't put my finger on it.

KA KA KA KATRINACRAT BLOG CLOSED FOR BUSINESS

2008-07-29T08:55:00.004-05:00

The final post on the Katrinacrat stated the following:

Closed for business
This blog is closed for business. No more posts will be done until further notice.I will miss you all, but will try to find time to visit your blogs.I had already turned off the comments on here. I now put the place in limbo till I once gain decide to make a return.Donnie
Posted by Donnie McDaniel at 2:00 PM

I had a long talk with that Donnie McDaniel fuck and explained to him how healthy it would be for him (if you know what I mean) to close down that fucking Katrinacrat mess. I mean, even though I didn’t read that fucking blog (along with the remaining population of the planet), I hated that it existed.

The demise of that blog began when they started practicing censorship. At least I made the Katrinacrat blog entertaining by helping them in starting a thought provoking dialog on their posts. For whatever reason, that was under appreciated. But that fucking blog lingered on just like that fucking drip I get every now and then from NICE; New, Improved, Cleaner Escorts.

Then there was that Dizzy chick. God, she irritated the shit out of me with her fucking top 10 roundup. Who in the fuck cared????? Having said this, I did see a pic of her. I would have done her.

The Wordpress version of the Katrinacrat has also been closed. Fuck, I knew there was a God.

This is a glorious morning. The fact that I single handedly took down the Katrinacrats makes me realize how grateful people should be of my existence.

My Weekend

2008-07-28T09:39:00.002-05:00

My Weekend - A short story by D-BB

My weekend was fun. Until somebody said something bad about my mommy. And my sister. I don’t give a flying fuck about my sister. But I do give a flying fuck about my mommy. I use to suck on her boobies. I grew out of that though and stopped with the help of my high school counselor, Mr Peabody.

Anyway….my weekend.

My girlfriend said mean things about my mommy. I went to her house and beat the shit out of her. Then I took some of her shit. Then I went home and hooked up with 2 whores. They were hot and very nice, just like my mommy.

Later I got arrested for slapping around my bitch girlfriend. Then they put me in jail. I was the only person to bail out since it was the weekend. HA HA HA! I am special.

I am contacting Reverend Jesse Jackson, Reverend Al Sharpen and the Dalai Lama because I am obviously a victim of racism.

The End

The story is purely an art of fiction and my interpretation. Any part of this story resembling any person living or dead, blah, blah fucking blah is purely coincidental and unintentional.

ROCK & REBELS

2008-07-08T10:13:00.002-05:00

Aug. 8, 2008 - 6:30 PM at the New Orleans Arena

Werewolves in Alabama....Perhaps????????????

WANTED

2008-07-03T11:41:00.004-05:00

Wanted: Male or female (preferably female) with lots of experience in giving blow jobs. Must not mind the taste of gasoline in their mouth. Contact me ASAP.

D-BB is an Equal Opportunity Employer (EEO). Accordingly, D-BB promotes equal opportunity in the areas of recruitment, employment, training, development, transfer, and promotion. Massaging my penis will of course be taken into consideration for promotions. D-BB’s employment practices are without regard to age, race, creed, looks, shape, smell, IQ, cleanliness, diseased, criminal record, political affiliation, inbred, cripples or any fucking medical condition, national origin (except for Arabs and the French), veteran status and MOST all other categories protected by federal, state, and local anti-discrimination laws. D-BB maintains the position of EEO Officer to facilitate Equal Employment Opportunity. Questions concerning Affirmative Action and Equal Employment Opportunity should be directed to the Human Resources Department where I have instructed Bubbles, my HR Director to answer all and any questions and not offer any of her personal services she delivers on her night job.

VETO VETO VETO

2008-06-30T18:03:00.003-05:00

OK OK OK, So I haven't been around. I have been working undercover with my "friends" in Baton Rouge, LA to assure tax payers that those big ass fucking raises that the Louisiana State legislature voted themselves would not ever happen.

Today, we succeeded.

To all my fellow citizens, I say "you are quite welcome".

It is now my pleasure to present behind the scenes action of me and my homies that led to today's veto by La. Governor Booby Jindal.

With These Last Few Drops..........

2008-06-12T10:21:00.013-05:00

In case those of you caring U.S. taxpayers from around the country who may not be aware of what we are doing with your money here in Louisiana (some of whom may have friends and relatives who have lost everything in those floods up in Wisconsin and Iowa), you really need to read this.

I found a fucking can of gasoline that had a few drops left. Bought that gas back when I use to cut the grass but I find just letting it grow out of control doesn’t bother me and really annoys my fucking neighbors. I think I paid $1.129. Those fucking asshole oil companies want me to think it’s was a $1.12, not a dollar fucking $1.13. Mother fucker, yeah, I am that stupid, why not just charge me 75 cents and 9/10 of a penny for a fucking over priced bag of Cheetos. Cheeeeeeeeeeeetos. Yummmmmmmmmmmmmm.

I just glanced at a few blogs through a proxy server and fuck fuck fuck, I see shit about Obama’s wife who by the way, a few months ago became a “proud” American. She’s married to that half white guy who is breaking all his ties with his racist friends. I wonder why he waited until he ran for president to do that? I see shit about McCain (didn’t he die from Alzheimer's?). Why does he call everybody his “friend”? I have no fucking “friends”. I see shit about just shit. I am outraged.

Look my former colleagues, these little fucks who we sent to Baton Rouge to represent our dumb fucking asses….yeah, that’s exactly what they think of us…..are robbing the coffers that we have generated to build up our coastline and to help out those in need. FUCK ME AND THE FUCKING DEMOCRATIC PROCESS IN FUCKING LOUISIANA.

We have the fucking balls to whine how fucked up things are because of how offshore drilling fucked up our coastline and about the fucking papier-mâché fucking levees. Granted, those fucking levees were the Feds’ fault but every time a pint of oil is pumped out off the shores of La., we get money. Yeah, we should do some fun things with that money. Hell, look at New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin; he’s having a fucking feast off some of that money and also some of that money the stupid fucking taxpayers sent us by way of Washington because we were soooooooooooooooo sad. (I just glanced at that pic in the Time-Fuckayune. Did that bald headed prick tip under 15%????????)

Something else, yeah, the Feds fucked up the levees and those people should be made whole. But FUCK FUCK FUCK, those expensive homes on the fucking lake in Mandeville and Slidell were flooded not by the Feds but fucking Mother Nature. They were too fucking cheap to take out flood insurance because they had to make payments on their fucking yachts. Why in the fuck are they receiving a taxpayer bailout????? What about those fucks in Metairie. They turn the fucking pumps off!!!!!!! Why are they receiving taxpayer assistance???? Aaron Broussard should be hanged by his cock from that flag pole on Veterans Blvd.

OK OK OK, I’m off the point.

I challenge every Louisiana blogger with any sense (yes, I mean all 3 of us) to begin a campaign to impeach Bobby Jindal for whoring himself out by not vetoing that fucking outrageous pay raise (he says he's against it though...ain't that fine government or what?) which is over 300% that Louisiana legislators are voting for themselves. We also need to enlist a militia to overrun those little cocksuckers calling themselves, “our representatives”. I will then become self proclaimed Governor. My first lady will be Gentilly Girl. Oyster is my secretary of state…I guess he can take short hand, Sweet Feet will give me massages that will reduce all my stress, Lippy will be my press secretary, BigBear will be my decorator, ZZ will be my speech writer, Swampy will be my spiritual advisor, Huckster, my foreign affairs whatever, Jeffrey, my court jester and I will figure out the rest later.

Seriously, let's stop this from happening.

Oh Holy Fucking Henry Ford Bat Man! Motor…. is sputtering….gas running……. out. I……..I.......I think I will........will……………………………..

Addendum: Siphoned gas out of my neighbor's car. Swallowed some by mistake but I had to add this. The State of La. also ...cough... cough....cut our income taxes because we... cough.... cough.... cough..... cough... have so much money now. Thank you tax payers. Couldn't....cough.... cough.... be doing all this without all that money you sent us.

Please save.... cough..... cough.... cough...... your money because when the next storm hits us..... cough.... cough..... cough....., we will require your help again. Cough..... cough..... cough...... cough..... cough.... cough......GASP.........THUMP!

Garaging It (For Now)

2008-05-14T12:18:00.004-05:00

To Martha, no, I am not Michael.
To Fucking Katriancrap Assholes......no I am not Dangle.
To my long time colleague and author of the best selling book, "Just Tell Her It's a Cold Sore" Oyster, no I am not Dangle.
To Sweet Feet, I never got that side shot of your ankle.

The drive has been fun but I am now out of gas. (For now.)

Hey Teddy aka But Seriously Folks

2008-05-13T10:19:00.007-05:00

Regarding an Obama–Clinton ticket this fall, Senator Ted Kennedy, an Obama supporter, said, “I don't think it's possible,”. “You're going to have someone that's going to be able to assume the responsibility.”

FUCK YOU YOU BIG FAT HEADED PIECE OF SHIT. You're the mother fucker who gave a whole new ugly fucking meaning to "ditching a date" you cock sucking immoral fucking killer. Fuck you and fuck your fucking family. What has happened to your family is almost making me believe there is a God, a good God, a God that knows how to deal with fucking scum. But God still has one more to go for me to turn myself over to God, and his son and that holy ghost dude.

So fuck you when the word "responsibility" pops up you fucking immoral bastard. Fuck you and fuck everything you touch you fucking coward. How dare you.

Hey Teddy, you realize that more people were killed in your car than at Three Mile Island.

Hey Teddy, you would have died a long time ago if only the government could find a safe place to bury your fucking liver.

Hey Teddy, the only reason why no one ever blew your fucking brains out is because if they bury you, your liver would create a toxic waste dump. If they cremate you, the pollution would kill millions.

Hey Teddy, don’t fuck up that big eared Obama’s run for the White House by giving him that old campaign slogan you use to use, “A chicken in every pot and a blond in every pond”.

Hey Teddy, that Chappaquiddick thing, is it true that the first thing you said when you crawled to land and looked back was “OUCH!...That's gonna leave a mark”?

Hey Teddy, shortly before your mama kicked off (finally), she was having tea with neighbors when, out of the blue, she asked, "I wonder how Jackie's doing?"
"Rose," a neighbor said gently, "Jackie died some time ago."
"Oh, no!" Rose cried. "Was Teddy driving?"

Hey Teddy, you know what was Gary Hart's biggest mistake?
Not letting you drive Donna Rice home.

Hey Teddy, is it true that you have an illegitimate 21 year-old son and although you don’t deny it, the kid adamantly denies it?

Hey Teddy, is it true that when your brother John was taking eight different medications a day he would get so wasted, his Secret Service code name was changed to Ted Kennedy?

Hey Teddy, is this transcript of you interviewing an applicant to be your assistant for real?:

Kennedy: “You realize that you’ll have to travel a lot.”
Woman: “That’s OK.”
Kennedy: “And that to save money we’ll have to share a hotel room.”
Woman: “OK.”
Kennedy: “And on some nights we will be having sex.”
Woman: “That’s all right.”
Kennedy: “Do you have any questions?”
Woman: “Well, if we are having sex, I might get pregnant and I wonder what arrangements you’ve made for obstetrics insurance, maternity leave, etc.”
Kennedy: “Don’t worry; we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”

Support The New Orleans Hornets

2008-05-12T13:50:00.002-05:00

Regarding my take on Jazz Fest and a mention of the New Orleans Hornets (and how I would be signing autographs at the New Orleans Arena) last week, a former Miss Israel and most recently featured in Girls Gone Wild – Vol. 14; my dear friend Lippy made this comment.

Leigh C. said...
Awwww, man! I knew there was a reason why I shouldn't be missing Hornets' home games...

...or should I still be missing 'em? ;-)

You know, I could take that 2 ways Lippy but I won’t because I know you are sooooo hot for me and you should be. But that’s not what I want to write about today.

I’m talking New Orleans Hornets. First, holy fucking slam dunk Bat Man. If you have not been to a Hornets game then fuck, you don’t have a clue as to what you are missing. This is one fucking kick ass party that begins in the streets a few hours before tip off until you make your way back to the parking garage.

Look, I love the Saints and I hope they stay here forever but if there is no new stadium in the near future, I believe they will end up in Los Angeles, Memphis, San Antonio or whatever political body understands the economic impact a professional sports franchise delivers to a community. But we are so fucking stupid here in Louisiana, we will allow the New Orleans Saints to leave at some point because we think a stadium that is nearing 40 years in age is good enough for them.

In contrast, the New Orleans Arena is state of the art and tops all other arenas currently in use by the National Basketball Association (NBA).

Our team, the New Orleans Hornets are in the mist of the second round of the Western Conference playoffs and come back to the arena tomorrow night to face the World Champion San Antonio Spurs who tied up the series last night in San Antonio by embarrassing us 100 to 80. Trust me, that was a fluke…a fucking painful “fluke”.
My point is, even though we are a “football sports town”, our chances of holding on to the Hornets are greater than our chances to hold on to the Saints.

But, this goes back to Lippy’s comment. I know she was fucking with me but I wonder if she has been to a Hornets game. Every night I’m at the arena and somebody wins something are they announce someone in attendance; it seems like they are always from Metairie, Mandeville, Covington, Reserve and yeah, even last Monday night’s game, Mobile, Alabama. The couple sitting next to us was from Pensacola. I figured they were displaced New Orleanians but nope; native Floridians (well, for the last 12 years).

Sooooooo, where the fuck are the New Orleanians? This is the best deal in town and the most fun and if you like to party; then this is the place to be. D-BB ain’t gonna lie to you. When the lights go dim, and that loud buzzing sound fills the arena and then the intro music begins ("O Fortuna") and the flames and fireworks start, you will think you are at a rock concert fucking event instead of an NBA game.

If you like to go watch the Saints play but have never been to a Hornets game then you are so fucking clueless as to what fun really is. Get your asses over to the “Hive” tomorrow night. If you do, you will go online Wednesday morning to check out season tickets for next year.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Griffin House

2008-05-09T11:35:00.002-05:00

I met Griff about a year and a half ago in Nashville and I was instantly impressed. Likable, friendly and hard working, quite opposite of me. As for talent, I think he may be better than Ryan Adams and without the “attitude”. For whatever reason, he just ain’t catching on. I’m sure his appearance here will not help his cause.

Griffin House - "I Remember (It's Happening Again)"

Visit his MySpace Page

In Defense of Human Rights

2008-05-08T08:25:00.006-05:00

OK OK OK, me and the Huckster are teaming up to stop the passage of 2 bills in the Louisiana House of Representatives. These are them:

HB 1357: CRIME: Creates the crime of harboring, concealing, or sheltering an alien

HB 1358: CRIME: Prohibits the transportation of an alien

But it gets worse. My close friend Huck who is an expert on ancient sombreros and international law and who was on the short list of folks last year to get a Nobel Peace Prize for Tolerance of Annoying People did some research for me. You can read our exchange:

D-BB said...
hey huck, so....what if the illegal I get caught with is an escort from N.I.C.E. (New, Improved, Cleaner, Escorts)???? Am I exempt???? Please research and post a follow-up.
Tuesday, May 06, 2008 12:00:00 PM

Huck said...
d-bb - Hey, man, the way these bills are written, if you have any knowledge that your escort is illegal and you are, indeed, caught "escorting" her. Then be prepared to cough up $1,000 and/or spend 6 months in the slammer. So, you either better work to defeat these pieces of trash legislation, or be prepared to think of your escort as worth such a hefty price.
Tuesday, May 06, 2008 12:31:00 PM

D-BB said...
Holy wetback Huck!!!!!!! The escort only charges me $30.00 and I spend no less than 3 weeks outpatient to get rid of that burning whitish-yellow substance burning drip! (If I pay an extra $20 it's only a yellow substance burning drip) THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!
Wednesday, May 07, 2008 10:32:00 AM

So as you can see, we are facing another fucking attempt to control where a group of God’s creations walks and plays on a planet that he, God Almighty created, not President Bush, not Nikita Khrushchev, not Doroteo Arango Arámbula, not John Wayne.

Besides, if these bills pass, I may lose Rosetta as my new favorite escort. This is a double blow because while she and I are inside playing “Lick the Pink Taco”, her little brother comes along and does my landscaping at a very attractive price.

Please contact your representative and tell them to kill these 2 fucking bills or at least exempt anyone caught with an illegal who is hot.

I thank you.

This Just In - Obama Attracks Bad Element

2008-05-07T09:18:00.001-05:00

An interesting trend has been uncovered. Presidential candidate Barack Obama handily wins precincts, counties and parishes throughout the country with the highest murder rates.

Welcome Home Aaron

2008-05-06T10:46:00.004-05:00

Welcome home Aaron. It's good to see someone knows the difference between a "home" and the "moon".

It’s funny how it’s always the same people whose judgment appears to be consistently impaired, whether it’s in regards to that “awful” and “expensive” New Orleans Jazz Festival or of them folks who live in the neighboring communities of New Orleans.

We learned last week that Aaron Neville will once again call Louisiana home when he takes up residency in Covington, LA. and brave “weekly KKK rallies” and all them “white racists” on the North Shore.

Yeah, they've said some pretty bad shit about you Aaron over the past couple of years but you are just too big of a man to let that shit fuck with you. Welcome home Aaron but be prepared for some additional hostile words from my fellow (but less tolerant) elitists.

(Pssst.....Aaron, just between you and me, there are no KKK rallies in Covington, LA and racists are as rare as a murder free night in the Big Easy....well I suppose not that many.)

I Am An Elitist I Am I Am

2008-05-05T09:46:00.007-05:00

Re: Cry Me a Fucking Mississippi Fucking River (My defense of The New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival’s ticket prices.)

There was this comment:
The long, long road home,New Orleans said...

an elitist aren't we??

"The Jazz Fest rocked years ago. Now its all about the big headliners. I mean what the fuck is billy joel doing there??? ANd other big names who have nothing to do with jazz. Thats where your inflated prices go. Remember years ago when you had reasonable prices and local music."

Look “Long Long Road Home”, I read your profile, about where you lived and where you live and about your husband and stuff and there ain’t no way I am going to clobber you. Besides, I find you, and please take no offense to this; on the “hot” side.

Having said that, I was at Jazz Fest for a couple of days and that $50 admission was not only a bargain, it became an afterthought as soon as us patrons entered the fairgrounds.
You asked the rhetorical question, “remember years ago when you had reasonable prices and local music?” I will unrhetoricalize that question.

Yes, I remember when I could go to Jazz Fest for about $15. It was about the same time when I could go to an NBA game in New Orleans and get lower level center court seats for $40 or $50 dollars. By the way, excellent upper level seating was available for $4.00. The team was the New Orleans Jazz. I could drink a $3.00 beer while watching them lose.

Now, I go to an NBA game in New Orleans and it’s $400 to $500 for lower level center court seats and about $40 for an excellent upper level seat. The team is the New Orleans Hornets. I can drink a $7.00 beer while watching them win. Oh, did I mention I could drive to the Jazz fest and to a Jazz basketball game on a gallon of gas that cost anywhere from $1.00 to a $1.29 a gallon?

A few bloggers along with some of our locals have really tried to sabotage one of the greatest music festivals in the world over the last couple of weeks. It didn’t work. Jazz fest was more fun than ever this year and everybody I saw there looked extremely happy. By all accounts, it was a smashing success….and yeah, last Sunday, a “splashing success”.

Had I not got home at 3 AM Sunday morning from Saturday night’s New Orleans Hornets - San Antonio Spurs opening semi-final playoff game, I would have closed Jazz Fest down with the Neville Brothers this year. But I was so exhausted, didn’t set up until 2PM. Movement occurred approximately one hour later.

Shit, New Orleans is kick ass rocking and the world is taking notice. Quit sending out all those negative vibes folks.

Please note: I managed to get through this entire post without saying a mean thing. It ain’t the meds, it’s New Orleans….what a fucking exciting time for a city that was counted out by many just a few years ago. Not only does it make me feel good, it makes me proud.

Please note this too: I agree, the fucking chairs need to go. I just stand in front of those fucks and if they say anything, I show them the real definition of "rudeness".

Cry Me a Fucking Mississippi Fucking River

2008-05-02T16:16:00.004-05:00

I am so fucking tired of hearing all this bull shit about the price of The New Orleans Jazz and Heritage Festival tickets.

This is by far a world class festival and is second to none. It is also one of the few things that is done well in New Orleans. Mardi Gras is good and it is free but does nothing to capture the spirit in toto as Jazz Fest. At Jazz Fest, you are swallowed by the culture of Southeast Louisiana in sight, sound and smell.

What we forget is that since the advent of “free” music downloads, royalties to musicians have fallen drastically and to make up their income, concert tickets have steadily increase and now, $75.00 and higher have become the norm and $200.00 to $500.00 is not uncommon in the secondary market.

Look fuck faces, I don’t need to justify or make excuses for the New Orleans Jazz Festival. $50 per person, awwwwwwwwww fuck me. Fuck you! I know, let’s make this a fucking Marxist Festival. We will offer the performers $1,000 to play. Parking will be free and admission will be $10.00. If you are unemployed, you get in free. Now, that should fuck up Jazz Fest just like everything else we try to do on the “cheap”.

When that happens, I will sit and gripe about how New Orleans fucked up the Jazz Festival. As for now, from what I saw Thursday, the only fucks who were complaining were those who missed out on Kermit Ruffins, Randy Newman, Luther Kent and over 50 other acts to choose from not including a handful of second lines….audience invited.

For me, I like the ticket price for another reason…it keeps out the fucking riffraff.

BTW, I will be at the New Orleans Arena Saturday night for the Hornets – Spurs game. I will be signing autographs for a small fee….Sec 102 Saturday (9PM tip off, wtf ?????) and if they ever let us know when game 2 will be played, (my guess it will be Tuesday) I will be sitting with the poor folks in Sec. 330. (I hate sitting up there, I always feel like I need to delouse when I get home–Eeeeeewwwwwwweeeeeeee).

New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival

2008-05-01T09:38:00.001-05:00

continues today.

So that no one recognizes me, I will be wearing an “Obama for President” T Shirt and acting like a complete oblivious mindless fool.

Closing things out today at the Southern Comfort Blues Tent….

Manipulating Words

2008-04-30T09:39:00.004-05:00

So now Obama condemns Rev. Jeremiah Wright's racist rants saying they "offend me, they rightly offend all Americans, and they should be denounced". He now says his relationship with Wright had been damaged to the point that it will never be the same.

"Will never be the same"??????? Ya think those words were chosen carefully?

Different is Not Deficient FUCK FUCK FUCK!

2008-04-29T09:36:00.015-05:00

So the Reverend Jeremiah Wright

says that I am different than him or is it "he"….or….. fuck it. FUCK FUCK FUCK! I already knew that you pompous, grandiloquent, turgid, florid, grandiose fucking moron.

You see, Wright, who previously mocked "God Bless America", mocks how a white person “talks with their God”; mocks John Kennedy’s accent during his speech “Ask not what you can do for your country, yada yada yada, he mocks what an integrated collegiate band sounds like while the segregated black collage band across the street plays only the “black keys”. FUNK FUNK FUNK! FUCK FUCK FUCK!

Even though many of my “bloggers in arms” have defended this asshole and have made every fucking dumb ass attempt to translate this fuck head’s words of hatred into some sort of soft landing, I congratulate the preacher’s “mentee” for coming out this past weekend (fi fi fi finally)and stating it is a legitimate concern and people have the right to make this into a political issue.

Fuck, what else could Obama say…..even the most orgasmic Obama-nite can’t even spin this shit anymore……it’s FUCKED FUCKED FUCKED! So I was right and the Obama bloggers were wrong; according to Obama.

Now, I could launch into a few 100 jokes regarding this "topic" as some of my fellow bloggers have done in the past by characterizing people whom they think are “different” because of where they live as stupid, racist and giving a perception that these people are holding KKK rallies every weekend in Slidell, LA. while eating Slim Jims. FUCK FUCK FUCK! I won't because………………..all together now:

Blacks are different. Wright is right! FUCK FUCK FUCK!

I can't help but wonder how much this is costing Clinton's campaign. There is just no possible way this motherfucker has slithered back into the limelight to purposely torpedo Obama’s run at the White House without getting some sort of big payment. Surely he wouldn’t sell Obama out for his own personal gain…..surely?

As for recognizing the "differences", fuck, check out my CD collection. Check out who I will go see this Thursday at Jazz Fest. I wonder how many Tammy Wynette, Beatles, Pink Floyd, 3 Doors Down, and Green Day CDs Rev. Wright has in his collection....or for that matter, is familiar with?

By the way, did I mention…………………FUCK FUCK FUCK?

Please note: This post may seem a bit chopped up. In my best interest, I deleted 3 fucking funny as shit paragraphs because I don't have the same rights as others.....Perhaps "different" is deficient. FUCK FUCK FUCK!

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

2008-04-28T09:27:00.014-05:00

Shit, where do I begin? There is the New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival, the NFL Draft, The Hornets kicking the Mavericks’ ass last night IN FUCKING DALLAS!..... Rev. Jeremiah Wright whose definition of "different" has a few holes in it to say the least, the little punk ass Marc Morial having a “hissy" fit over the renaming of the New Orleans Convention Center (I know, I used that name on purpose) even though it's in the best interest of the city but as usual, the un-indicted Morial is more interested in what’s good for him rather than the city and finally...Oyster’s post “Please Discuss” where folks found all sorts of ways of defending, justifying and disguising their little ugly prejudices and shit and “outing” me. I’ll allow that to "dangle" in my draft folder a bit longer because I have decided to briefly chronicle Jazz Fest this past Friday.

I have to confess, I spent all day Friday at the Acura Stage…from Susan Cowsill to Sheryl Crow and everything in between…the line up was just fucking amazing. I did get in about 15 minutes of the Mount Hermon Baptist Church Choir over at the Gospel Tent and about 10 minutes of the Wild West Mardi Gras Indians (on the way to the Gospel Tent) but with 11 things going on at the same time all day, I am always frustrated that I miss shit. It’s sort of like if Angelina Jolie would tell me I can have sex with her….but I had to pick just one sex act. I guess I would try to pull a Bill Clinton on her which is......trying to convince her that sticking my dick in her mouth does not meet the definition of sex.

Didn’t go Saturday because every time I hear a Billy Joel song, I come too close to fucking suicide. Hated missing Cowboy Mouth but the rain fucked up everything anyway. Eddie Bo would have been fun too. Too bad.

Didn’t go Sunday because the fuck ass weather people pretty much promised rain. Well fuck me, they were right. I don’t care. May Willard Scott get hit by lightning. (He is still alive right? Or did I just waste my time on a dead fuck?) The biggest thing I missed was Elvis Costello and Allen Toussaint. Yeah yeah, I know Irma sang but been there and done that and besides, I don’t think I would “do” her. And of course Costello and Toussaint played the same time Delbert McClinton played so that sucked.

So, I always pass on the Thursday Jazz Fest because not enough happening but this year, I’m gonna go and play tourist and just take in a bit of everything. I see where Widespread Panic is the closing act at the Acura Stage but I am gonna flip a coin between the Gentilly Stage (Deacon John) and the Blues Tent (Luther Kent & Trick Bag)….already leaning towards Luther Kent. Shit, why can’t we let Jazz Fest run to fucking Midnight and have just 5 venues instead of 11 so that way we can still get all the acts in and I can see more shit…and eat more????????

Now I see where Thursday I will have to resist Randy Newman…..no big loss except I will miss “Louisiana 1927” aka “Louisiana 2005” and Gene Chandler…. “Duke Duke Duke….Duke of Earl, Duke Duke”….shit I know; but it’s sort of funny funky cool. Fuck, it’s Thursday…., a day to chill at Jazz Fest; how dare they lead me to all these temptations mother fuckers?

More Jazz Fest shit towards the end of the week.

Anyone who has yet to discover Susan Cowsill, here’s a sample of what you missed on the Acura stage Friday.

New Orleans Jazz Festival 2008

2008-04-25T08:37:00.003-05:00

If you’re in town for the New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival and this is your first or second visit to the Big Easy, and for whatever reason you are wasting your time reading this, here's some advice. Do not do what I’ll be doing today. Avoid Robert Plant and Alyson Krauss. Avoid Sheryl Crow. In the coming days, avoid Jimmy Buffett, avoid Billy Joel, avoid Tim McGraw. Trust me; you can see them in concert anywhere and under much better conditions.

Leave the heavy weights to us locals; we have that luxury. We can hear "our" music, we can smell the jambalaya and we can taste that gumbo anytime we want.

When you enter the Fairgrounds, let your senses take over. They will lead you to Wayne Toups & Zydecajun, Young Tuxedo Brass Band, Big Chief Monk Boudreaux & the Golden Eagles, Irma Thomas, Anders Osborne, Second Mt. Carmel Gospel Choir and 100s of others. They are why you came to New Orleans.

Skip breakfast. Join in a feast of New Orleans cooking from the various choices including Wanda Walker's cochon de lait po-boys, Natchitoches Crawfish Pies or get in line with me for some Crawfish Monica. Again, follow and trust your senses.

Take advantage of this opportunity to lose your virginity to the culture of New Orleans. Of you, I am jealous. Of me, you should be more jealous.

2008-04-24T09:04:00.002-05:00

You Were Warned!

1. cock
2. cockade
3. cockaded
4. cockades
5. cock a hoop
6. cock-a-hoop
7. cockaigne
8. cockaignes
9. cock a leekie
10. cock-a-leekie
11. cock a leekies
12. cock-a-leekies
13. cockalorum
14. cockalorums
15. cockamamie
16. cockamamy
17. cock-and-bull
18. cock-and-bull story
19. cock-and-bullstory
20. cockapoo
21. cockapoos
22. cockatiel
23. cockatiels
24. cockatoo
25. cockatoos
26. cockatrice
27. cockatrices
28. cockchafer
29. cockchafers
30. cockcroft
31. cockcrow
32. cockcrows
33. cocked
34. cocked hat
35. cockedhat
36. cocker
37. cockered
38. cockerel
39. cockerels
40. cocker english
41. cockering
42. cockers
43. cocker spaniel
44. cockerspaniel
45. cockeye
46. cockeyed
47. cockeyedly
48. cockeyedness
49. cockeyednesses
50. cockeyes
51. cockfight
52. cockfighting
53. cockfightings
54. cockfights
55. cockhorse
56. cockhorses
57. cockier
58. cockiest
59. cockily
60. cockiness
61. cockinesses
62. cocking
63. cockle
64. cocklebur
65. cockleburs
66. cockled
67. cockles
68. cockleshell
69. cockleshells
70. cockles of the heart
71. cockling
72. cockloft
73. cocklofts
74. cockney
75. cockneyfied
76. cockneyfies
77. cockneyfy
78. cockneyfying
79. cockneyish
80. cockneyism
81. cockneys
82. cockpit
83. cockroach
84. cocks
85. cockscomb
86. cocksfoot
87. cockshies
88. cockshut
89. cockshy
90. cocksure
91. cocksurely
92. cocksureness
93. cocktail
94. cocktail glass
95. cocktail lounge
96. cocktail party
97. cocktail table
98. cocktailtable
99. cock up
100. cocky
101. Ted Kennedy

Warning!

2008-04-23T11:06:00.003-05:00

OK, so I have been thinking that some snot nose little retard kid may visit my blog and read words that momma and daddy wouldn’t like them to see. Like the little angels ain’t saying stuff like that anyway if you know what I mean.

Anyway, trying to make myself as morally inclined as my fellow jerk off bloggers, I decided to censor my blog. Well, I received some feedback and it appears that this has become annoying. So beginning tomorrow, I will require that anyone visiting my blog will have to click an “adult content warning”.

I am not doing this out of dourest or because of some lame moral compass, but because it will probably attract more readers so they can enrich their little IQ starved brains.

Special Notation: This post is in between my self imposed censorship and my “Adult Content Warning”. Therefore, words (and phrases) such as shit, shit face, shit eater, shit brains, shitty, shat, asshole, ass fucker, fuck, fuck face, fuck brain, fuck off, fucker, mother fucker, cock, cock sucker, prick, pussy, cunt, cum face, cum toes, etc; could have been used in the above post but I chose not to…… in good fucking faith.

Every Day Should be Green You _ ___

2008-04-22T11:45:00.008-05:00

So I see where this is Earth Day. Well Holy ____ sweet baby Jesus. What was it yesterday you dumb _____.

This reminds me of Valentines Day, the only day you can buy _____ over priced ____ _____ roses without getting that look that says OK, _____ ______, what the _____did you do this time______?

Fact is, I don’t pay a _____ arm and a ______ leg for ______ roses or any ______ thing that _____ dies in 2 ____ ____ ____ _____ days. I just go to the _____ cemetery and look for the ____ freshest _____ bouquet I can find honoring some dead ______. (_____ lilies are popular.)

So _____me in the _____ if today, I don't go and Google Sweet Teens That_____24-7.com and there is _____ Google with all this ______trees and _________streams and _______animals and _____. ____ ______!!!!!!

How much you wanna _____bet all these ____ _____ green _____ ______ drive around in ______SUVs, run their ______ air conditioners and _______with the ______lights on? Am I right or what ______?

Every _____ ______ ______ day should be _____ Earth Day you ____ dumb ____ _____ _____. But noooooooooooo, _____me off and swallow you little _______ _____ _____. You can’t have it both _____ways (unless you ____ or you are _____or ______, if you know what I mean).

May _____God _____ you, and your ____first born you _______ ________ hypocrites.

Special Notation: Isn’t this much nicer and kinder without all the cursing and ______?

D-BB Cleans it Up

2008-04-21T10:10:00.000-05:00

NOTE: Beginning today, I will no longer print any offensive words.

I ____ ____ my neigbor’s _____wife while she ____ _____ my ____ for about a_____ hour. Well holy ___ ____ sweet baby Jesus’s ____ . For what it’s ______worth, I could give a hearty ____ ____ regardless of what___ ____thinks______. Am I right ____ ____ or what?

Needless to say, the little___ ____said ____ that only an ___ could accept. But___ me and with a ____ you _____. Yeah right, and the Pope’s ____ hangs like a _____. No need to place any of my ____ faith in that_________ ______ _______ piece of _______. No _____ way.

Let me just say, _____ anyone who _____ a ______with a _____circus clown present is ____ nuts in my ____ _____ book. _____ you and ____ your _____dog!

Old Fart - Young Tart

2008-04-18T09:25:00.006-05:00

I don’t like Bluegrass music. That includes Alison Krauss. Having said that, I would “do her” faster than Bill Monroe playing "Foggy Mountain Breakdown" on speed.

I don’t like Led Zeppelin either. Uh, it’s over people. I wanna puke every time I hear "Stairway to Heaven" and "A Whole Lotta Love”…not because those songs are bad, I just think people need to grow up. I think music today is better and with the arrival of the singer/songwriter explosion, I am not going to waste my time on Zep’s “When The Levee Breaks” or shit like Floyd’s “Dark Side of The Moon”. Borrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring.

So fuck me if Zep’s front man Robert Plant teams up with Alison Krauss and turns me into a fucking believer. Not to the extent that I am pulling out old Led Zeppelin vinyl nor am I wearing overalls and having sex with my sister but I will be at the Acura Stage next Friday at the New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Festival at 3:30 PM to see Plant & Krauss (followed by Sheryl Crow …hot hot hot at 5:35 PM).

This means I miss Tad Beniot and Anders Osborne because the fucks of Jazz Fest have them playing on other stages at the same time. Based on the early acts, I see no need to rush. Will mosey on in around 1:00 PM, eat and hang out over at the Acura stage.

Here are 2 samples of why I will not miss Robert Plant & Alison Krauss.

Blogging 101

2008-04-17T11:16:00.004-05:00

You know, I set a very low standard for myself and yet, I still seem to miss the mark. Just look at that pompous shit I was so proud of that I reprinted it from my comments to my blog the last couple of days. Nothing like being a lazy shit being added to my passive aggressive syndrome personality. For you stupid fucks out there who are clueless to what that is, it’s sort of like driving in New Orleans and having pedestrians jaywalk in front of your car and do so as slowly as possible requiring you to slow down because you have a car and they don’t. That's an example of passive aggressiveness. Unfortunately for them, I am also bi-polar so I step on the gas and see how close I can come to hitting the cock suckers. Oh, and the curse words they yell out at me. It's fucking disgraceful.

Shit, there I go, straying from my subject matter. You see, I blog shit and then I wait to see who will leave a comment. Sometimes I go for days and no one bothers to say anything. AWWWWWWW. So what I do is find something, blow it out of proportion and gleefully watch the fallout. Fuck I love to do that.

But here’s a secret, they do the same thing. They even race to see who can post bullshit news on their blog first…that is, the breaking news they hear on the fucking radio along with thousands of others! Holy fucking ENG Bat Man!

I may not be as smart or as anal-retentive as other bloggers and my words may not flow as eloquently and as graceful as a swan gliding across a fucking pond as dusk relieves Mr. Sun of his fucking day job, (I wonder what Mr. Sun does at night anyway?) but I assure you, they watch everything everyone is saying about them including me.

You know, lots of bloggers use little gizmos that you can’t see on blogs that when you visit, tracks what you looked at on their blog, where you are from and your IP address. They can opt for the premium version. This one ties your IP address with a physical address. Then Google Earth locks on to any vehicle that has a license plate registered to anyone who resides at the physical address where that IP address is. The blogger gets to track all that shit and just by adding some info they collected on your last visit, they log on to Google Earth (premium version), zoom in, sit back and watch where you drive to in real time. Sort of like that Homeland Security shit.

I don’t have one of those. Just another password to remember to look at bull shit. Besides, with so little privacy remaining, why impose one more invasion on people's lives?

However, I do subscribe to Technorati. I hate it but most bloggers use it and it’s my way of saying….”Hey assholes, I’m back”. PING PING PING PING!

Bloggers even have little bugs that go off on their monitors when somebody links to them. This gives male bloggers an erection and makes female bloggers wet. That’s why I go through that fucking pain in the ass hyper-linking process on them when I want them to see something. They are notified that someone has formed a link to them. Yippy ki fucking ay!!! Then when they see it’s me, the erections flop like “the Edsel” and their vaginas turn into “Death Valley”.

But fuck, even if I say something nasty about them, they take it with a grain of salt. Wanna know why? Because they get another “authority”. Once you get 100 authorities, you get $10,000 (before taxes of course) from a consortium of blog sponsors.

So you see, when I call someone a cock sucking fuck face moron piece of shit and do so with a hyper-link, I’m doing a good thing for them. They should thank me. Am I right or what?

Give & Take - Part 2

2008-04-16T10:03:00.004-05:00

Another fucking lazy day at D-BB's. More guilt comes forth on "Eight Hours."

Huck said...
Hey, D-BB - Does the fact that I have deep family roots in Da Parish give me a pass? Can't a half-Chalmatian like me even make some fun of his own? Oh, where's da justice? Perhaps I'm not PC enough? Now you've got me thinking ... Should I re-evaluate calling my daughter a pipsqueak toodlebird for fear of being a big ol' meanie all for the sake of an endearing chuckle?

D-BB said...
Huckster... you told me I was insensitive because I said all the black people in the south would vote for Obama and not Hillary. OK, so I was wrong, it was a miniscule 90%. As I recall, you were appalled. In fact, when I told you I knew the other person involved in that little skirmish was black, then you really got irritated with me for saying that. Next time I do black satire, I will make sure it isn’t seen by a black person. As for your ancestry, I am so glad you pulled yourself up and landed in such an advanced civilization. If only we all could be so fortunate.OK, this should suffice for another post tomorrow. Yabba dabba fucking doo!

Huck said...
D-BB - I don't recall your saying in a dispassionate and matter-of-fact way: "All the black people in the South would vote for Obama and not Hillary."I wouldn't have been appalled at that. No, what I think crossed the line was what you actually said, which was: "Look, even if Osama was convicted of slicing his wife's neck and looting hotel rooms in Vegas, he would be a lock for the black vote."You can't honestly think the two comments are the same in tone, meaning, and implications.

D-BB says...
Rats!!!!!! I remember that now. I sincerely apologize for that. It was obviously wrong. I meant to say Obama instead of Osama. You got me there. My bad.

Give & Take

2008-04-15T12:00:00.003-05:00

I'm a lazy fuck. So here are the comments from yesterday's post, "8 Hours".
For those who are easily confused, my responses are in a soft powder blue to convey my soft compassionate personality.

Zouxzoux said...
Well, I read few NoLA blogs for this reason....to much snarkiness disguised as good ole fun.

Dos yats down in da parish seem to have pulled themselves up mighty well from Katrina. Orleans parishoners could learn a lesson there.

As for the Northshore - doncha know no one was ever actually born there???? They're all white-flighters from the great city of Orleans.

I can't believe I commented this much. I'll shut up now....come on over and visit my uncontroversial place. ;)

D-BB said...
Hey, I still visit. You got too many people reading and commenting on your stuff. That's good tho but your stuff is so good, I don't wanna make a goofy comment anymore.

You know me, horny 24-7 and always wanna joke around but I have to tell you, you have serious talent.

I would give 5 years off of my wife's life to be able to write that good.

swampwoman said...
I think GG own3d you D-BB

D-BB said...
own3d? Swampy. u didn't by chance buy my Drive-By typing course that was recalled because of all my typos.

No woman owned or owns me...well; none except the ones that I know.

GentillyGirl said...
Oh D-BB Darlin',

I'm just swamp trash. A true Creole girl.

I call it as I see it.

Zouxzoux said...
D-BB,
You were the first commenter on my blog. You are welcome anytime and also your comments. I like horny men. ;) And thanks for the compliments.

D-BB said...
GG, never any hard feeling here. Besides, ain't drama great??????

Now, I purposely added all them links to attract attention and none of them slugs have surfaced. Could it be shame????

At least GG has balls....or had balls...or whatever to say something.

ZZ.....Wasn't just kissin' ass...not that I would mind of course....but giving u an honest opinion.

GentillyGirl said...
Darlin',

I have ovaries and freakin'balls.

My folks are from Da Parish, others from OP. Not one damn one of them claim the North Shore or JP.

I stay on my side of the Neutral Zone since most Americans don't like those of my kind that created this city. I "know" my place in the current B/S lie we call American Society.

However, I have my First Amendment Rights, and I do exercise them. I really hate hurtful people, and I will smack them each and every day.

Never worry Dear, I think I understand you (scary thought), and I relish it.

Remember the point in Life is to create awareness and stimulate dialogue. (or just piss people off) What else matters?

D-BB said...
GG, ain't no way I could have said that better.

Cheers!

Daniel Z. said...
There is something to be said for not taking satire too seriously.

But when St. Bernard Parish passes an ordinance restricting new rentals to "family members" (read WHITE PEOPLE), should we not be critical of them?

It is unfortunate that you would assume that my St. Bernard slogan was an implication of all people who live in St. Bernard and not just their elected officials.

Leigh C. said...
"Some forms of reality are so horrible we refuse to face them, unless we are trapped into it by comedy. To label any subject unsuitable for comedy is to admit defeat." Peter Sellers

I'm sure these folks have all got their own versions of snark at our expense as well. The trick is gonna be weeding all "lashon hara" (bad speech) out of everybody's cultures, creeds, and places.

It's an important thing to consider. But it shouldn't mean that you can't disagree with some of the stuff a different person subscribes to. You just gotta watch how you disagree.

D-BB says...
DZ .....let me just say when you actually had a chance to really rake Bobby Jindal over the coals for his push to fund segregated schools in La., you basically sat on your hands. And you were not alone. I bet your hands stink a lot when people you hate do things to put money in your pocket.

You state my interpration of what you said is "unfortunate".

You go on to state: "But when St. Bernard Parish passes an ordinance restricting new rentals to "family members" (read WHITE PEOPLE), should we not be critical of them?"

People elect those who are most like them, thus the implication and my interpretation stands. To take this one step further, look at the elected officials in Orleans Parish.

You know, your question with parentheses of your unsubstantiated assumption actually requires no further response. It says more about you than I ever could. Thanks for your assistance.

Lippy, of all the comments made, yours was lost on me but hey, I ain't the brightest guy around otherwise I wouldn't blog.

I do understand this comment though. What is lost on a lot of people is there are as many racists and anti Semitics in St Bernard Parish, St. Tammany Parish, Jefferson Parish as there are in....and here it comes, fucking drum roll please.........Orleans Parish.

You quote Peter Sellers: "Some forms of reality are so horrible we refuse to face them, unless we are trapped into it by comedy. To label any subject unsuitable for comedy is to admit defeat."

Great quote. Now sit back and think about how many subjects we dare not portray satirically because of sensitivity. Apparently the folks in St. Bernard and St. Tammany Parishes have achieved a high enough level of freedom and independence as to no longer warrant protection from such satire. The jury may still be out for those in New Orleans.